|Reviews for In The End|
| BloodyAutumnKisses 5/5/10 . chapter 13
OMG, this is freaking awesome. I just had some time to settle down to read your stuff after all the lovely reviewing and prompts you've given me for my writing. You've been one of my biggest supporters.
This story is just stunning. Great writing, a few spelling errors here or there but nothing huge, great believable characters and a juicy plot line. I love it!
| Uniquely-Random 8/12/09 . chapter 13
Oh my gosh...do please update soon. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I'm wanting to know if she will ever tell Ryan/James that it's her. I wonder whys he doesn't have two souls anymore...hmm...I'll be waiting for the next chapter. :) _
| Brielle Gemson 7/26/09 . chapter 11
Ohmygoodness I am in love with this story! You haven't updated in a really long time and i think you should update...now. haha ]
| crazyman12 3/15/09 . chapter 2
Another great chapter. You have great talent for describing character appearances and the like.
"The stars were out, twinkling sharply through the darkening liquid velvet sky, like a warning. But she wasn’t looking. Instead, in her relaxed state up high on a roof, she was silently taking in the changed sight, smells, and sounds about her. Or, more importantly, the lack thereof. She knew that though it could be quiet at times, the city at night was never still. The shore, only a few streets away, did nothing to reassure her. Even the glowing magnificence of the Northern Bridge across the peace of the Haine river could not calm her growing anxiety. In fact, the strange absence of traffic that usually littered the streets contributed to the area’s eerie lack of life. The only sounds that remained seemed to be the quiet lapping of the black waters."
I loved this paragraph. It was so well described that I had to read it over a few times to fully grasp the descriptions. Another well done chapter :)
| crazyman12 3/15/09 . chapter 1
This story has a great start! It's only the first chapter and already i'm hooked in. The last line was especially chilling.
"A girl stared back. A girl who had a thin, lithe body. Who had translucent, white skin. Who seemed to have everything, but had the black blooded eyes of a monster."
*SPEECHLESS* wow! That line was just terrific. You are a very gifted writer.
| Josephine Sawyer 2/15/09 . chapter 10
I'm glad we're learning more about what happened to Eyra after the fire, and I'm also glad we're learning more about Shifters. I think you've done a very good job so far of letting me know what I need to know, and not info-dumping with less important information, so that I can follow the story and most of the character motivations without trouble and there are still many things I want to know about the story. So, good job with that.
At the same time, the one place where I feel like you could have done a better job of that is with regards to Ryan/James/whatever his name is. He seems to know everything about the main character (and certainly knows more than the reader does) but we know absolutely nothing about him - not even his real first name. To a certain extent, this adds to the mystery, but at the same time I think it's hard to create a character without any specifics, and what that means is that Ryan/James/whatever his name is comes across as an incomplete or inconsistent character when really we just don't know enough about him. Even things that Eyra might have been able to tell from spending this little time with him - for example, what kind of shifter is he? The fact that Alex and David are canine Shifters maps to their characters fairly well, after all. I guess I want some sense of whether he is to be trusted or not. I care less if it's misleading, actually - trick me all you want - so long as there's something there? Because at the moment I'm just completely up in the air about him and I feel like I should have an opinion.
| Josephine Sawyer 2/15/09 . chapter 9
I didn't really understand the purpose of the part with Mrs. Johnson in the beginning - just to show that Alex is charming? Unless that's going to become a plot point, I sort of wondered why you didn't just have her disappear, him remark upon it, and then realize he was going to be late to class and run off. It seems simpler? On the other hand, if that's going to become a plot point, I can understand that as well.
On the one hand, I can understand your desire to make the administrators seem ridiculous (and this applies to Mrs. Johnson as well as the Dean and his Secretary). They aren't the main characters, after all, and if students are to have the run of the school for the rest of the story, competent administrators would get in the way. On the other hand, it seemed rather over the top the way you did it, and things like the diatribe about kitten photos I think took away from the story more than they added. Being a little bit more subtle would create the same (or a similar) ridiculous image.
| Josephine Sawyer 2/15/09 . chapter 8
Okay, so I guess I should take back half of what I said in the last chapter. Obviously, I was just stating what you already knew. Apologies.
I liked this chapter a lot. It made it clear to me why Eyrah's cold reserve needs to be broken for Eyrah's sake, and it showed that Alex has a backbone and a protective instinct when it comes to her, and in general it made the characters a lot deeper and more multi-dimensional. In fact, the only thing I might change about it is the last sentence - it was vague enough that I (in my foolishness) thought at first that "his cousin" was Ryan. (That would have been a plot twist.)
| Josephine Sawyer 2/15/09 . chapter 7
I'm liking how your writing is developing; this chapter flowed better (with a couple exceptions of little mistakes), had more vivid descriptions both physically and emotionally, and generally was more enthralling as a read. Good job with that.
I am beginning to wonder where the story is going, however. I feel like, as it is, with the exception of Ryan's hidden agenda, none of your characters have much motivation to, well, move the plot forward. It will be interesting to see how you develop through that and how you build focus, but if the plot has already begun then it feels rather unfocused at this point. I think if you made Eyrah's coldness a more pressing problem, mostly by playing up that initial characterization (in the first chapter, she seemed really miserable and haunted), it would lend urgency to figuring out her past and breaking that shell.
| Josephine Sawyer 2/15/09 . chapter 6
This is a nice chapter; it lets us see into Eyra's character and understand her coldness a bit. I couldn't necessarily understand why Alex would be afraid of the Grandmother, but I suppose all will be revealed in time. I think I would have liked you to play up the emotional impact of the grave a bit more, especially from Eyra's point of view; it felt a little bit wooden at times.
| Josephine Sawyer 2/15/09 . chapter 5
I like that you're taking the time to develop your characters before jumping into pairings (I'm guessing that since this is in the Romance section there will be pairings eventually). You do a good job of portraying Eyrah's bitter coldness and Alex's energy.
I feel like some of your physical descriptions are a bit over-the-top, however, unless strangely colored eyes are a characteristic trait of shifters? Every time I see someone's eyes described as "obsidian" or "golden" (unless you're intentionally comparing them to a rock or a precious metal), I instinctively raise an eyebrow.
| Decoris Verbum 11/26/08 . chapter 1
It's really hard to pick on this story. Your style is flowing and easy to read. It strings up images in the reader's mind, but moves on quickly enough for them not to get bored. I liked her name, also; it is more unique than your typical cliche romance story. Very nice job.
| Imalefty 11/11/08 . chapter 2
hello art! a review from the review game in celebration of it's first birthday! :)
Wow, you definitely changed this story since I’ve last been here. o_o I had to read over the first chapter again… it’s so different now!
Your writing has gotten a lot better! :) It’s clearer and a lot easier to follow. Good job there.
I like your use of shorter sentences to build tension… (or at least… that’s what I think they do XD) Also, while it’s still vague as to what exactly is going on, I like how you’ve described the scene well enough that readers can understand what’s going on.
Your use of smells is really nice. :) Writers (including myself) usually rely on images and sight to describe things, so this is a nice change.
Wow, nice ending. I really liked that last line – it was… anticlimactic, but in a good way. I definitely thought some sort of confrontation or fight or something was going to happen, but you released the tension in an unconventional way… and ended the chapter with what could be considered a very interesting cliffhanger. :) Good job. Keep writing!
| Link Broken 10/12/08 . chapter 1
Okay, please keep in mind that when i read this i had the mental capacity of a monkey.
Now for the review.
I loved the imagery in the beggining with the fire! It was captivating!
It was a little confusing after that.
If you could've made it a bit more clear what Eyra looked like (i'm sorry but claws and scars are just not enough) it would have been that much better!
I enjoyed it a lot
| Subbie 8/12/08 . chapter 1
Hmm... this story sounds intriguing. You did a very good job on the descriptions, at the start in italics, and also a very good job on the resume. It seems very confusing right now, because there some references to her past which you haven't yet explained, but I'm hoping that'll be cleared up in the next chapter. I haven't yet read past the first chapter, 'cause I need to go now, but as soon as I get back on the computer tommorrow I'll check out chap 2.
Ahh, and now I see what you were talking about when you said to show, not tell. I've never been told that before, so that was new to me. Thanks for the advice!
Bldfdr (otherwise known as Lee..)