rg-chapter 4

what i liked-besides your style, i liked the callous nature of your mc. it fits her well and ties into the story just as well. the mc is well written.

what i didnt-it can be over-the-top dramatic and tense at some points. i think that if you keep it up like that the whole way, it could turn some people off. i understand that its in the nature if the story itself, but you can get carried away.

rg-chapter 3

what i liked-your style is still fantastic. you have a good head on your shoulders when it comes to writing and how to make a story flow.

what i didnt-the action scene was cheesy to me. it was all "pow!" "grr!". i suppose it's difficult ass-kicking in writing, but i think with a bit of revision, you could do it.

rg-chapter 2

what i liked-your style is amazing. your descriptions are fantastic and vivid and flow well.

what i didnt-the plot line seems a bit vague to me. i cant really figure out where this is going. i suppose most supernatural stuff floats past me a bit.

rg- chapter one

what i liked- the beginning. it had a good, dreamy feel to it with just enough crunch of supernatural suspense. that, and your writing style was superb.

what i didnt- im not a big fan of third person. it's a preference, i suppose.

Great imagery! I loved how you infused the main character's surondings with her emotions. Very nice technique!

great story cant wait for your next ch.

i like alex! alot!

ouch.

shes a bitch i love her xD

this is really cool. im hooked.

Yay for the new update! I can't wait for the next. I am really liking this story.

Review game! (Sorry it's late, I was at a class last night... btw, I'm an oboist too. :-) Kinda lame thing to point out, but I giggled and was grateful to see more than one on the planet. XD)

I LOVE the opening. It's amazing and really grabs me. Your descriptive writing is great, I had no doubt what was going on.

Hm... I love the mystery as to why Jaime is now calling herself Eyra, it's intriguing. However, I felt like the looking in the mirror device is cliched (and I've done it before, so I feel really hypocritical). A lot of writers use it, myself included, so it seems to be overused once you've read it five thousand times. So far, (I'm reviewing as I read), it's the only complaint I have.

All in all, great beginning. I can't wait to see where you're taking this!

Maybe it's just me, but I'm a little confused. xD

-goes to read more-

But the descriptions are really great. :)

Very nice chapter. One thing I would take into consideration would be to start explaning the 'City Overseer' thing a bit before starting in with the plot. It might lose some reader's attention if the story continues to be vague. I know it's only the second chapter, and I haven't read the next ones yet, so maybe you already did this, but it doesn't hurt to mention it. :3

Very good story. ;D

The beginning of chapter one really caught my attention and everything that happened afterword held it. I have to find out what happened and what will happen now. :3

Review Game:

I actually read this last night, but was too tired to review. Anyways, I thought this was one of the best written stories I've seen on Fictionpress to date. I LOVED the way you described the dream, lost of feeling and imagery. I can't really think of anything negative to say, so I guess: just keep up the hard work!