FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Spirithunter 2008-06-22 ch 6,  | abuseOoh, nice long chapter. Oh, and you really need to stop berating yourself on how bad you think your chapters are... just go ahead and let the readers think it's good. It'll be more enjoyable that way. :P Anyways. Time for actual reviewness... Kaytahi is awesome. Miku's pretty cool, too. You have some good ideas in here, and the writing is NOT bad. There are a few parts that confuse me a bit, but those just require a bit of rewording and I still get the idea of what you're trying to say. Also, you have a bad habit of using commas instead of periods before and after quotations. For example, "'Oh,' he stepped into the room bashfully, 'There you are.'" should be "'Oh.' He stepped into the room bashfully. 'There you are.'" In short, good story, I'll be waiting to see how it develops. ;) |
| The Sun and Shadow 2008-02-23 ch 1, | abuseIt's a nice start, but I have a few suggestions; I would like to see a little more detail put into the descriptions (Cila's description was fine, but how about the three men, Gharlow, etc). Also, there were a few minor typos. You forgot a quotation mark or two, and a couple of your words were squished together. Nothing major. :-) I think if you develop this story a bit more, it will be very good. I look forward to seeing what you write next. |