Reviews for My Prince? - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: My Prince? - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

Lifeless Prophet 2008-09-21 ch 1,	abuseOutside of some visual stuff (form of the piece) its a wonderful read. Very creative use of language. Good use of turning clichés on themselves and giving them a new sound. --Prophet--
dragonflydreamer 2008-07-25 ch 1,	abuseCongrats on winning the Review Marathon. Here is your prize review: This is an interesting poem. I like the analogy in the third stanza. I've never heard it used before, but it fits the topic so well. There were a few lines that were a bit longer than the rest that I thought interrupted the flow a bit. Other than that, nearly flawless work as always!
Briar's Thorn 2008-07-23 ch 1,	abusei like it. it flows, its a poem in story format,i like those there fun and hard to pull off. which of course makes them more fun to try. i liked all the stanzas but the second though, it seemed choppy, in a way(dont know it thats the right word for it). a little to drawn out. try to say the same thing in fewer words. it would make it flow better. Also thank you for the tip. i think it was suppose to say 'into' but i did write it at 2:30 in the morning so it doesnt surprise me if i did miss something. if you have the time i would like you to review my short story, A Mantra of Words. it would be much apriciated. Yours Truely, Thorn
PhantomBialystock 2008-07-15 ch 1,	abuseI liked this a lot. There was a lot of imagery and metaphors that made your poem very interesting. I especially like the one about going swimming right after eating. :D Your summary says you're looking for some critique, though, so here it is: "Always bellyflopping into ice cold water, (like your poisonous kisses)" I think the second line could be taken out. I found it somewhat interrupted the flow of your poem. And one more thing you could take into consideration: "Only you have that effect on me like a forbidden sweet" I think you could combine these two lines together. Something like, "You're like a forbidden sweet" might sound better. That's not really my best, but you get the idea, right? Besides those two things, this was a very sweet poem and I liked it a lot. It was better than I could ever do. :)
painted eyes 2008-07-10 ch 1,	abuseI think that by far, the first stanza was the best. In the first two stanzas you have the water image, and in the last few, that imagery was lost. I don't really like the line 'But you suck me in anyway' as you were describing hand imagery, such as being caught from falling, but then used the word 'suck' which I felt related back to the sweet image in the opening of that stanza. Anyway, this is only one opinion, and don't get me wrong- I did like this piece! Keep up the good work. ~painted
TearsFromWillowStreet 2008-06-15 ch 1,	abuseVery... logical. Dose that even make since?
Hallie Stunt 2008-06-06 ch 1,	abusethe wording is a little awkward in a few places but mostly this is a FABULOUS poem i love the part about the swimming and fighting like hell to keep your head above water, and the poisonous kissed awesome job
angel953 2008-06-04 ch 1,	abuseAt first I thought this was gonna be kinda bashing a guy, so when I realized [basically in the last stanza] that this was actually really sweet, it brought sort of an element of surprise into the poem. This is definitely something I think many can relate to, including myself. This is really good! Keep up the great work! ~angel953 [prize revew for Fight For The Freebie]
HauntedMisery 2008-06-03 ch 1,	abuseI really like this =] Very well written.
Satsumaimo 2008-05-27 ch 1,	abuseoh, wow.. this poem perhaps almost perfectly describes how I feel about the one I'm with. There's so much about him that people hate, but I love him so dearly. Like in this poem, he sucks me in and I feel lost without him. I love this one.
XxXKristie marieXxX 2008-05-13 ch 1,	abuseAww this is so very cute I loveit! The poem flows great and it ends completly. Nice work! XKristie MarieX
notazombie 2008-03-12 ch 1,	abuseThat first line sucked me in, and the first couple of stanzas I can really relate to. I think I know exactly what you're describing, unfortunately :( This whole poem is very, VERY easy to relate to. This makes it good, but (to me) very depressing as well... For some reason, I don't like the third stanza. I know you're saying something like, "This is a stupid idea, and I'm gonna get burned, but I don't give a damn" but... I dunno. The bit about "being caught" and "hell to pay" makes it seem more like a Romeo-Juliet thing than the kind of self-destructive love I'm reading into it. Er... yeah. I'm nitpicking, terribly sorry. -Naz ps: second review marathon review! Gratz again!
PookysRevenge 2008-03-10 ch 1,	abusethis is really sweet, and i think it is a very good piece. I may be partial, though, as I consider myself a hopeless romantic, but either way I feel this is a good piece, it flows smoothly, and if not many, than at least I can relate to this. Nicely done :)
Ramenluver 2008-03-03 ch 1,	abuseAww, I really enjoyed this. I can see why you like it. I like how you compared reaching for the candy and drowning to your love for him. Beautiful. -Ramen
Esther Jade 2008-03-02 ch 1,	abuseHey - just giving a review for your Review Marathon prize. What I really like about this poem is the childhood images (bellyflopping into the water, mother insisting on waiting to swim, climbing up for the sweets) you've incorporated into it. It gives the poem a lovely authenticity. Also, I think it brings together the themes of childhood dreams and harsh adult realities. I like the second last stanza - I think it brings those two themes together. However, for me, there is something about the final couplet that doesn't quite work. It doesn't seem to complete the theme. Also, the whole way through it feels like she knows he's bad for her and at the end, it feels like she's settling even though he's not the fairy tale. It feels like it ends the poem on quite a negative note, without being tragic. I think the ending should either be completely tragic or she should lose the guy.

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