It's a good poem, in design and intent. The overarching concepts of the poem are intelligent, and well-thought out.

However, the poem is lacking somewhat in the execution. The words seem too ... mundane. Though the idea has been used somewhat before, you passed up a chance to really make it your own by opting for words that are common, and without really introducing any phrasings unique the poem itself.

I liked the poem, don't get me wrong. It's quite good, and I personally feel that you have a great deal of potential for writing poetry. I just think that the poem was lacking, when it came to the execution.

A good poem, nonetheless.