Very impressive! Opening the story with an execution is unusual so I look forward to reading more of this. Also, I commend you on your research. Not a lot of writers care to do that either :)

Wow, you go to great lengths to make this authentic. I like how you are even careful to measure distance in "paces" rather than feet. I'm glad you provided a translation for the french; I hate it when books leave you to figure it out on your own. This sounds like an interesting story so far.

oog intriguing start. you are going to continue with this aren't you? so many questions! who is 'she'? did he really die? why is he in france...i'm guessing that was french! who was he? keep it up! fran ~*~

- Opening/Ending: You made a very interesting opening, since it was not clear from the beginning that this piece of fiction is taking place on an execution field. Maybe it would have been nice to start with the date for your readers to know, but other than that it was very atmospheric.
The end made me want to find out more about what happened before this scene. Are you going to continue this?

- Dialog: Although there was not much dialog it fitted well. I understand a little bit of french and I was able to comprehend it. It would be really cool if you found a good translation site.

- Characters: In this part there is not much yet about the characters but I am definately interested in reading more. You described the male person in a wonderful way. I hope you will extend this.

- Writing: You managed to create a truely historical world, but I would reccomend you to extend it much more. I think there is much I liked about your descriptions but there can be even so much more for further chapters.

- Enjoyment: I did enjoy mayself, mostly for your beautiful descriptions and the intriguing end.

- Plot: Not much there yet but if you will continue this it does sound promising! Who is the woman? I am really courious.
- Pace (are things progressing too slowly? If so, what should happen?)

Overall I think this was avery nice beinning and I hope there will be more. Keep up writing and thios fic can turn out to get really great!

Nice usage of the differences in language to create an effect. A rather interesting execution...feels a bit spiritual and softens the tone of it. You really captured the situation well with the description - it feels lively in a way.

Hm, maybe include the translations in brackets after each speech - so it's easier to follow and that the flow continues. Sentence opener variations - most if not all began with nouns. Try to reduce your usage of words like 'despite' and 'yet' type of words to start sentences and in sentences too. Over using made it felt a little choppy.

Thanks for the review Sparkles! I shall now return the favor!

Way to write a first chap darlin'! there was just enough info to let the reader understand the scene, but enough was left out to prompt questions... and another 2nd chapter. I look forward to reading more... you will update, right?

Anyways, I think i noticed an error in the french translation. She lives should be "elle vit" not "elle vive." If there's gonna be alot of french in this you might wanna get a beta. DO NOT use translating sites... they suck.

happy writing!
bubbles

Oh my... this is very... interesting! It makes the reader to just keep reading, becuase you didn't describe much, but enough :] i didn't like the language at the bottom, you should have put in parenthesis by the words... easier haha,.

Wow. I really liked this. It does a very good job of pulling the reader in and keeps them wanting more.

I also really enjoyed the french part just because I've taken french for nearly 5 years now. But I think I noticed a few mistakes (translators don't usually do that great of a job). I don't claim to be an expert in french, but I would rewrite it like so:
“De quoi parle-t-il ?”

“Est-il fou ?”

“Cette traîtresse a été tué !”

“Il est aliéné !”

“Tuez-le maintenant ! Arrête sa baliverne!”

But you did a very good job overall. I enjoyed it and I'm eagerly waiting for more.
~Liberry

And interesting prologue - a very good place to begin the story. It is good that you placed the transaltions at the bottom because i was casting my mind way back to when I did French (seriously, about 5 years ago!) and trying to pick it apart.
You have a great vocabulary and a good sense of imagery but occasionally there is the slight issue of over-writing - where the words actually detract from the sentence. But other than that, this is a really great start.

'Although these people’s tongue was unintelligible to him'

This part read a little oddly. Maybe a tense thing. I don't know, this bit sort of stuck out. Something like 'although their tongue was unintelligible to him'. We already know there is the crowd.

Great piece!

During the innumerous times - "innumerous" feels overly long and awkward (and I believe it should be "innumerable"). I suggest replacing it with a more common word like "many" or "countless". Also, you shift verb tenses from past to past participle/perfect (I forget which one exactly) in this paragraph.

Overall, an intriguing beginning. I'm curious as to who "she" is and what sort of rebellion Nightblade was involved in. There were several largish words scattered throughout that felt like they didn't fit, though. I suggest either revising so that the largish words flow with the rest of the text (a bit more difficult) or replacing those words with their more common variants (easier).

Despite seeming to disobey the cardinal rule of a prologue, (in which the character dies... perhaps the fellow meeting his end in the prologue is not the main character?) this is a wonderfully written, and beautiful piece. I like your use of intelligent vocabulary (because it's so nice to hear the word melodious and penultimate in the same paragraph. Your writing is VERY mature. And I like this story already. Please keep writing!

this was very well written indeed. your english is fantastic. I can't see anything to really edit to be honest with you. Great descriptions. I liked the drumbeating aspect. It definitley made is more intense. It's obviously well researched out. And i'm glad that you put the translations on the bottom, because i was like, 'what are they saying!!' and i felt dumb, but you enlightened me on this manner with the translations. good peice of work so far:)

Wow. This was great. I liked the first sentence, it left me hooked, and I also like how you translated it at the end, with She Lives. I think it ended it quite nicely. The words flowed, and even though you left it short, you still got the point across and made it exciting to read, which is actually pretty difficult.
Great job.
=]

The opening scene is intriguing, and has sparked my curiosity. Normally I'm not into fantasy, but... I'd read this.

I only know a little bit of French (I understood the first two sentences), so the translations were appreciated. But, maybe, if there's going to be a lot of French words, the translations should be closer? And also, when you're writing in foreign languages, shouldn't the words/sentences be italicized (unless they're used often in the English language, and thus, widely known)? I could be wrong about that, though...

As Violent Messiah said, the use of the word "rang" in the first sentence bugs me, too. XD
I guess because when I think of drums, I don't think of the sound as ringing...droning or pounding, maybe.

Anyway, I think this is well-written and a great opening.

Off to a pretty decent start...I'd read it, and I'm not particularly a fan of reading the swords and sorcery genre. And thank you so much for the translations, definitely gave you points in my book. The only minor criticism I could find, and I looked, trust me... was a personal one. "The steady drumbeat rang in his ears." Rang? I don't know, just something about that bugs me. Meh, ignore me...good stuff! -=x