Another wonderful chapter! Keep up the good work!

Another interesting chapter. You did a great job on it.

An interesting and unique idea, however you have a few grammatical errors and you need to seperate your dialouge. It will confuse readers and make it hard for them to read if everything is in a chunk of text.

Other then that you have a good story here. I'd like to see more of it.

If you have the time or wish to feel free to read some of my works sometime.

Love the idea - very original and interesting! You need to use a separate paragraph for each speaker, though - I found it hard to read because you're currently lumping whole conversations together.