|Reviews for On god|
| Ryan Schiff 2/25/08 . chapter 1
Its a bit short, I'd suggest growing it a bit, but the idea is really cool. The imagery is keen, I really liked it. It starts out as one of those terrible carbon-copy angst poems (you know the kind, the ones by 13 year olds that think their lives suck because, well, they're 13 years old and their lives suck because they're kids) but then it turns into this really harsh, slick commentary on how religion traps you in just the same way. The copycat mood is made even more powerful by the repetition of "letting".
My major suggestion (other than make it longer) is to go back into your text editor and take out the spaces between the lines (you can do this on fictionpress by just going to your documents tab and replacing every paragraph line with a break, either in the HTML code changing every [p] to a [br] or by deleting the line break and by hitting shift enter).