Teldumor
2008-02-26
ch 1,  | abuseA good start, we submitted on the same day so I feel an attachment to it already. I like how your beginning focused on another character, but described the observer through his interactions with her. I feel it has a bit of the military stereotype, being military myself (and an officer), I can tell you we don't all have sticks shoved too far up our...well, very few officers are the hardliners that Captain O'Banly seems. This is, of course, a "first impression", and I can would like to see some change in her character. Officers have a tendency to distance themselves from the lower ranks, but Lieutenant is hardly far from Captain in rank. This is, however, science fiction, so is the ranking system different? Navy, perhaps? |
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