|Reviews for The Train|
| Aureate Purple 8/10/10 . chapter 1
wow. . . That was beautiful. :) I don't understand why you've only gotten two reviews for it! Your writing style is wonderful, it flows so well. :D Excellent characters too. xD
| Ernest Bloom 11/18/08 . chapter 1
the same wind that picks my hair up off of my shoulders [omit the 'of']
inside of Alice's shaven skull [omit the 'of']
Henry convinced Mary to come home that night with he and Michael. [Michael and him]
you half to wolf down [have]
her tears crashed onto the linoleum floor ["crashing" tears?]
it's nice, though. but it gets a little repetitive, especially alice's parts of the story by the sea, just trying to keep the patter going to balance the two halves out. some things don't really ring true, like the mini wheats bit, or the sudden part about alice's friend. it's like these were included to lengthen the story without revealing anything authentic about the characters. these (to me) are like false notes hit in a musical piece. i think we readers need to be allowed to seep more deeply in through the pores of all your characters, who fall a bit flat with somewhat stereotypical emotions pasted onto them.
but a good effort - don't get me wrong.
| LadyOfLiterature 2/26/08 . chapter 1
Brilliant. Love the way you write about where she is during the coma.
But where has she gone now? Woken up - or to Heaven/Hell? Gtreat ending, leaving the reader wondering.