FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| laxchica516 2008-02-27 ch 1,  | abuseOh my gods do not listen to the other review, this is perfect the way it is because it's the way you wanted it to be! I have actually at one point had the same feeling as your main character, and you captured the feeling perfectly becuase I told my mom, and immediately regretted it. btw I love this series of stories, keep writing! |
| Taltush/MeiMei 2008-02-26 ch 1, | abuseHm. I don't really understand why some of these "I"s are lower-cased. It's not only grammatically incorrect, but plain annoying and distracting. Also, why the underlines? Also just tug the eyes away from the current line and make them stare at something else. I'd suggest adjusting those to be italicized. A sad story, I suppose, with interesting content, but it doesn't really stand out. It doesn't feel very complete or impressive and it didn't really hold my attention for very long. Perhaps if the story focused on the point it would be better, but then I suspect it would be dull. I think maybe this is just a difficult piece to judge. I do know that I don't particularly like it (that's not to say I dislike it, please understand). Perhaps if the aforementioned mistakes were to be corrected I'd be able to read this without being distracted. I don't know. Sorry for this poor review, I just don't really know what to say or how to say it. |