FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Professional Dreamer 2008-03-05 ch 1,  | abuseOh, Oh, your wonderful fantasial magic gets me! It's too good. Your visuals are the chocolate-glitter-circus magic of my childhood. |
| i.am.pockets 2008-03-04 ch 1, | abuseAmazing! You have a real gift. I love poems that have a real flow to them, that use words perfectly and beautifully, words that really make the english language sound beautiful. This one does it all. Keep it up! |
| Midnight In Eden 2008-03-03 ch 1, | abuseCouple thoughts: 1. The "lovely" and "crescent" on L3 aren't really necessary. To be honest when I read "crescent moon" I cringed because it's such a trite image that feels out of place in the rest of your fairly solid imagery. The "lovely" just feels like overkill. 2. The line break between L3&4 is a little awkward... why not pull "the crescent moon" on the following line? 3. The "Always death" on L10 feels a little too melodramatic but if you wanted to keep the sentiment, I think you need to build on it a little more. 4. The "can" on the next line is superfluous. 5. Why not "are" instead of "can be" on the same line? Apart from those language nitpicks I liked this piece. Solid imagery and an interesting story make this one of the better pieces on FP. Kudos, Midnight |
| Creating a Dream 2008-03-02 ch 1, | abusebeautiful! oh so lovely! and very, very sad. once again, your imagery is splendid. it's like a piantbrush has been wiped across the insides of my eyelids. your structure is very fluid, and keeps thoughts togehter nicely, where as some poetry is chopped up and the thoughts are less organized. i really like that. most of your lines are full thoughts, and only once in a while, to rpove a point, do you spread a thought onto two lines. it's a good effect, much more concrete than other things i've seen. i especially like the last line, the way it's sort of seperate from the rest of the poem, and it looks a lot like a whisper, but you can tell it echos becuase of the previous line. it's a lovely poem. i very much enjoyed reading it. haven't quite figured out whether the "she" you talk about is a hero or a villian, but figuring things out is overrated anyhow. live, laugh, love. Creating a Dream |
| lost for words 2008-02-27 ch 1, | abuseThe imagery and atmosphere it creates is stunning. No criticism, it's beautifully tragic as is. |