This was really good. I do have suggestions. First, take out the 2nd are in the 2nd line. Second, in the last line maybe add an our before glory. But this was still a good poem!

God be with us all.

I love this one. I think we did a great job, Ninja! Write on, Bro.
YSIC

Oo- very nice! The rhyming didn't seem forced at all, and I think you wrote about the whole topic so well that I got a good mental picture of what was going on. Great job!!
I really liked the last two lines,
"Forever we shall live fulfill the old, old story
About the Savior who came and took us to glory"
Awesome! Maybe if you added puncuation it could be easier to find the flow- but I really don't think that's truly needed at all.
--WxOxW