FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Devin-Jamie 2008-08-04 ch 1,  | abuseThis line bothers me a little bit. I think that there are too many syllables for it to flow with the rest of the poem. "I’m running in the moonlight while the wild things call to me" I think the word "the" between "while" and "wild" should be taken out. Besides that, I really like this poem. The concept and the way it's written. Good job. |
| PhantomBialystock 2008-07-15 ch 1, | abuseVery nice poem! I especially liked this line: "I’m basking in the sunlight like a songbird in a tree." I like the songbird analogy. :D |
| Seize the Day 2008-03-03 ch 1, | abuseI love this, it's extremely realistic as to people's feelings and the way they react to certain situations. |
| Maranwe Telrunya 2008-03-03 ch 1, | abuseThat's really beautiful. Out of words. That's all I can say. Wonderful poem. ~Maranwe Telrunya |
| artificial destiny 2008-03-01 ch 1, | abusehiya :) i owe you a review so here goes ^ ^ 'I drifting in a sailing boat faraway at sea' [i am?] i think if you only read: "I’m always somewhere higher Drifting on a wayward cloud To collect the sun’s hot fire" it would have been enough because those lines really capture a new way to put an overused expression. the beginning is kind of 'eh' due to the simple language that doesn't really go anywhere sorry im harsh > < overall, i really liked the last few lines -artificial destiny |
| J.L. Hastings 2008-02-29 ch 1, | abuseI love this poem; it painted a really great picture and made me feel like running amongst wild things and saying "Screw you!" to people who try to bother me. I love you! ^_^ |
| doctor's diagnosis 2008-02-28 ch 1, | abuseReview Game! Whoa, love the consistent rhyme, a lot. It's not overpowering like I find most rhyme. One thing though, the line "I drifting in a sailing boat faraway at sea", it should be I am drifting or just I drift. Probably just a typo though. I like how its broken up too. With the two different parts divided with the line. Great job, R. |
| simpleplan13 2008-02-28 ch 1, | abuseI drifting in a sailing boat faraway at sea... I'm Ok I really like the images in both the first and second stanza about where you "are" that was really great Th repetition of how much they hurt not bothering you I didn't like.. maybe if it was at the end of both stanzas but so close together like that... didn't seem right... plus the ending you have now is such a beautiful way to say basically that they won't bother you so I might work on developing another image like that... Nice job! Review game! |