Brave of you to attempt a villanelle, for starters.

The rhythm is a little inconsistent in sections, particularly the first four lines (and even more particularly, the fourth line).

Some lines sound a little forced into form, eg. line 13, "Instead of sleep, it's shadows I patrol,". 'It's shadows I patrol' sounds a little distant because of the last use of I, in comparison to earlier lines where the 'I' is the subject.

I like your choice of main lines, ("I lie awake and ask, what is a soul?" and "A part of me that I cannot control") These lines give a lot of room for you to elaborate and for the readers to interpret.

Your use of gothic, 'darkish' words, (eg. soul, black, darkness, smoky, shadows, etc.) is consistent and mostly in voice.

Overall great work. Villanelles are a pet fave of poetry of mine and it's nice to see someone who gets the feeling of them right. :)

Oh my goodness. I really enjoyed this (I even recited it outloud) *sheepish grin* Haha, I also appreciate that you wrote this in villanelle form because I know how hard that is... I've tried on my own before. Let's just say that I wasn't pleased with the outcome of that poem, but oh well. I should go back and read this some more. The rhyming really works well without sounding too rhyme-ey, if you know what I mean.

It would be greatly appreciated if you found time to check out my stuff :D

~Miscellanea