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| dragonflydreamer 2008-07-24 ch 1, | abuseFreebie review! Very nice story! Yes, it was violent, in humorous way! I like the mother a lot. She has a lot of depth to her character and she's an amazing story teller. I like how you managed to tell so much about her in such a short story. How old is Bobby supposed to be? I know some other reviewers brought up the violence, but I was also wondering if he'd understand some of the words she said. That's my only objection, though. Great job! |
| once rained for 2008-05-10 ch 1, | abuseOne freebie for you! This is an adorable story, with very nice writing that flows wonderfully too. The mom's a great storyteller! You should make a collection of the mother telling stories to her kid(s). I'd love to see more of Bobby- he's so cute. 'You skipped the good stuff!', lol. I'm a bit stunned that the mother would describe the gory stuff so thoroughly. It's a bit unrealistic, especially since it's a bedtime story and most mothers wouldn't want to keep their kids awake with a story like this one. I guess she doesn't seem like most mothers, though, so it isn't much of a big deal. Would Angie be her sister-in-law? Also, I think when Bobby says that he's glad she's a klutz, you should add a 'too' there, since he already mentioned his dad saying he was glad of that too. And then instead of the mom saying 'Me too' also, she could say 'So am I' or something as to not make the phrase overused. Idk, I'm getting ahead of myself! xD; Anyhow, keep it up and great work! |
| notazombie 2008-05-06 ch 1, | abuseGratz on the Review Marathon! I like how you formatted the story with the mother telling the son. I think it makes it a lot more interesting to read than something that's just a straight narrative. I also think that the dynamic between her and Bobby adds a humorous undertone to the narrative that wouldn't be present without the storytelling format. My only beef with the story is that it seems a bit out of character for a mother to be telling a story where she's wiping blood from her eyes with her mangled hand to her young son. It seems a bit too descriptive gruesome, even though he tells her to go into more detail... -NaZ |
| writingxonxwalls 2008-04-30 ch 1, | abusegreat job in the review marathon!(: Aw- well I loved the fact that it's a bedtime story. I think it shows more creativity then just leaving the story, plus as a bonus, Bobby's interruptions were adorable. There was also so much humor in this, it was hard not to love it. (ex: "You skipped the good stuff!") Haha, I loved that line. Keep it up! |
| GRAYTEXT 2008-04-20 ch 1, | abuseGreat job. I especially liked the ending. I'd like to read more about these characters. |
| AutumnRain16 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abuseAw! That's cute! Great job! I liked the idea, but I thought that the beginning of the story was a little abrupt. Perhaps you could have added a little ambience to the beginning with description or set up of the situation. It was a nice story and I liked that the woman was older rather than the typical "young love" in spring kind of thing. Great job and thanks for reviewing my story! |
| xDancingintheRainx 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abuseAww! That was adorable! (And hilarious) I loved the ending. The conversation between Bobby and his mom at the beginning really added to the piece. I got kind of nauseous when she crashed. Who knew rollerblades could be so dangerous and painful? =P Very well written. Thanks for the review! I really appreciate it! =D |
| freaky.little.devil 2008-04-17 ch 1, | abuseThat was... interesting... And kinda gross! What a weird kid Bobby is! But I suppose underneath the gore it's a cute love story! |
| The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon 2008-03-20 ch 1, | abuseThere were a few grammatical errors that confused me, but the story was still great! I'm adding it to my C2 because it is well written (aside from the few grammar errors) and it has a genuinely new storyline that everyone can enjoy and laugh at! Good job! Write on! Pen.Dragon |
| Selarose 2008-03-18 ch 1, | abuseHahaha. Ouch. Sounds so very painful, and yet so cute (not the breaking bones, the story :P). |
| SearchingForLaughter 2008-03-17 ch 1, | abuseHahaha, that is so cute!! It's a good and painful way to meet someone! |
| vanilla skyy 2008-03-15 ch 1, | abuseOh, no! Wasn't expecting that last line. LOL. Well, you got me again. I'll know WHOM to turn to in the future for a sweet, misty story. Extremely well written. :) |
| masterful me 2008-03-04 ch 1, | abuseThis was entirely sweet. Even the gross parts were kind of endearing, once I realized where the story was headed. I thought "Daddy" would be the doctor that treated her; but mechanics are even more scrumptious ;) I approve! Very nice one-shot, and so well-written it makes me want to check out more of your stories (perfect grammar on FP is sometimes hard to come by). I'll be reading! |
| clumsybella15 2008-03-03 ch 1, | abuseLove it. Keep writing more of this type of story. |
| AReplacement 2008-02-28 ch 1, | abusenice ending :} i liked the story the details were great :}! |