FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| LastTrueKnight 2008-04-02 ch 2,  | abuseOh... I like it so far! More, please! |
| Firefly's Locket 2008-03-16 ch 1, | abuseBeen awhile since I read this. Glad to see you posted it... now, don't take it down! ^_^ I only caught a few missed commas, I think. Good job! HeH. Also, “If I so choose to yell I will give away your position, and then you will have an entire village after your." I'm guessing you meant "you" not "your", yes? (I also stuck a comma in... in case if you feel like addressing that.) I hope to see more of this story. Love, Hachi. |
| Heatless Flame 2008-02-28 ch 1, | abuseA lot of times you use words like "he", I noticed. Try substituting in more specific words, like stallion for Sampson, for example. Occasionally you infodump, especially at the beginning, but many author's do this. Don't be too surprised, just work on spreading the info out. Never missed a target? Even when he was a wee apprentice, just learning the trade? This trait can break an otherwise good character. Don't make him a natural at everything. I admit, I was surprised that the assassin was actually a woman. Assassins don't use broadswords as they need to be quick and stealthy, not lumbering through the dark. And who the hell is strong enough to use TWO broadswords? Dramatic ending. Well, in idea it is good, but some things bother me, as outlined above. Could you please review my story, Blade of Baikon? Thanks. |
| xXLife-sucksXx 2008-02-28 ch 1, | abuseooh me liek continue |