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| AtlantisGirl12 2008-06-17 ch 1,  | abuseThis was really interesting and very well-written! I wish it wasn't a one shot; it seems like it's only the beginning of an interesting story! Let me know if you ever plan to write more on it because I would definately read it. You hooked me early in the story and kept me guessing what would happen next. Very well done! |
| NeverFinished 2008-05-30 ch 1, | abuseHey, This sounds like a terrific idea for a story. Are you going to work it out or is it already a story? By the by, you tend to miss words or letters or sometimes mix up the sentence a bit, so if you're looking for an editor, i wouldn't mind. You can mail me at Toi Ti |
| KeytoExistence 2008-02-29 ch 1, | abuseYou'll indulge me if I list the cons before I list the pros. There are a number of editing mistakes, which wouldn't be so noticeable if they weren't in your first sentence. "I think there’s only one emotion in the whole world that every person as felt at least once and that the feeling that your stomach is about to fall through your boots because your so nervous and excited." Should be person "has" and there should be an is in "and that the feeling", or you can put a comma or colon in for brevity, making it: "that every person has felt as least once: the feeling that you..." When you have errors in your first sentence, it sets up the reader to notice more errors (which I did). Now the pros: I liked your story. You give a reasonable sense of imagery and emotion. I'm curious what langauge you use for the dance and names; it is made up or does it come from a real language? Keep writing. |
| Vampire Kitsune 2008-02-29 ch 1, | abuseWow! This story is really captivating! looking forward to more |