I liked this! I generally have no clue how to read songs, so I made up my own vague little melody in my head to suit this. =P

I like the action parts, especially the (takes breath) part following that one line. Although in 'I’m running out of time to breath', I think you meant 'breathe' instead of 'breath'. ;P But I guess that's what happens when you write at 1AM.

Your title draws attention to the song, and I was impressed with these lyrics. However, one line didn't really make much sense, and that line was: And I growing at all in my life.

Overall, good job!

I bet this would sound awesome if someone would sing it. I like the effects, too! The (takes breath) would be nifty, i think n.n

wow thats seriously really good! it would make an awesome song, i like the '(takes breath)' thing lol thats real cool :D