This is a good story so far. I'm working on one too. Hope you do good with future whitings.

It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to continue this.

I like the suspense you created in this chapter; it's leaving me wanting more!

Spirit Tigress

Some CC for you... "story" doesn't have en 'e' in it. I promise. And this sentence: "Sat in a cubicle not unlike any of the others," well, the beginning should be "Sitting in a cubicle." Just so you know. Proper English and all that.

"he snatched his hands away as if scolded." Nope. As if he were scalded, maybe. But I don't think his briefcase starting telling him off in his cubicle... sorry.

"And, even in death, people screamed around Tony." Wow. That was amazing. Great story, Simplicity!

I want to see more... of, like, this chapter. It was weird and twisted and exciting and AMAZING. Please? I'm willing to threaten to kidnap people again. Don't think I wouldn't do it... (just because you'd be right - it means nothing!).

Anyway. Excellent work. Way to jump back in with a bang (literally).

Felicia.

WOW MY GOD THAT WAS AMAZING.

i dont even know how to critique it.

maybe... maybe... ah screw it

it was great. im going to go read your other stuff too now :)

-artificial destiny

pls r/r back :D