FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Dude10123 2008-03-01 ch 1,  | abuseUgh, this is disgusting. What the heck is the plotline? There is no point in this. You don't deserve to be an author. This is extremely weird and useless and horribly written. Please, get some lessons on how to actually write, or else I might throw up. Geeze, you think people would be humiliated to actually post things like this on a website... Dude10123 |
| artificial destiny 2008-02-29 ch 1, | abusethe first line is a bit awkward "hey had nothing to say to each other. Exactly what was there to say? They couldn’t just go out and say ‘Oh my god we killed him!’" well, mainly the 'they couldnt just go out and say oh my god..." maybe put that part first? grammars a bit off here ll they wanted to do was go back to this morning and never agreed to go to that party that ended up being stupid anyways. and later parts too but wow i really really like the last few lines this would make an awsum prologue! why not continue it? its a good and interesting beginning, though it needs some editing, but definitely worth continuing! -artificial destiny pls r/r back! |