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Reviews For: Tomorrow Comes Again
Carus 2008-12-16 . chapter 1
I really liked your first description of time:
'It moves within this frame,
ticking, looping.' I don't think I've seen it before on here, so it's original (for me, anyway). I like that description also because it shows rather than tells, which a lot of people find difficult to do when writing poetry.
Something I found a bit odd about this is in the 6th stanza:
'...Limit, less.
Endless.'
To me that implies a future, whereas in the rest of the poem you're saying that there is no worthwhile future. I also wasn't sure about the structure of this poem. I appreciate that sometimes it works better when the stanzas are broken up into different lengths, but here I think it gets a bit repetitive and boring, and it also makes the poem seem a lot longer than it is, which may put off some readers.
I do really like the last two lines though. I think something that might work is if you put them at the beginning as well, to give the poem a feeling of cycles, which is what you're talking about with time.
Thanks for reviewing my poem by the way,
-Amy
fatbird33 2008-02-29 . chapter 1
it may be an emo poem, but it's a damn good one!
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