Normally when I read stuff like this I'm confused as hell by the time I reach the bottom of the page.

This time I'm not, and that's quite the feature.

You put a lot of strange words and names in there, bt I didn't feel lost once. If anything, I was trying to imagine the different races/types of people in my head :)

And his name is unexpectedly beautiful.

-K., the wifey

I really liked your opening line. It set the story up very well, and gave me a hint of what the rest of it was going to be like. I found the rest of the paragraph a bit of a struggle though - but that's just me. I tend to get easily confused by a lot of new names and politics.

That said i really enjoyed the rest of the story. Although it wasn't very long it felt like you had put an awful lot of thought and detail into the world you created and that made it interesting to read.

The ending was unexpected and different as well. I liked the fact that it was quite tragic in a way, but still had an almost positive ending. Although we don't learn a lot about the five days Vhaeraun and Seraphtys spend together I still found myself believing that she would go with him after he killed her father. I'm not sure why, maybe becasue it was written from her pov so I knew she wasn't dead, or maybe becasue her way of talking seems so matter of fact and straight forward.

First of all, I thought that I wouldnt' like this story because I thought it would be like so many other fantasy tales. I started reading it and I realized that I was so wrong. Your dialogue is so perfect, it fits your location and the fantasy type setting you developed. You didn't have any grammatical errors that I picked up other than a few sentence fragments and even those were hard to pick up on. Your characters were well developed and it almost reminded me of reading a really well developed book that an old pro had written. I really enjoyed this story, it captivated me and once I started reading it I couldn't stop, in other words I wasn't bored by it. Overall I don't have any criticism for this write. Very well done! I highly recommend this story.