Eva...don't like her one bit, but I do like Grandma alot...smart and funny lady

Wow, ok...wayne there for computer fraud and now two murders...great story so far...:)

I am liking this...Charlie is a great character, she is a riot...:)

Cheers

Oh Oh...Ewan a suspect in a murder? Best friend has to investigate? Oh Oh...

Nice work

Just stumbled upon this one...I like it so far and looks like a lovely afternoon for reading today

Nice work

:)

GASP! MY LIFE IS A LIE! i don't know what is fact or fiction! Help! please somebody, help! not just anybody... (trails off into the beatles) anyhow its all so confusing!

Gasp, Eva does more wrong in the world. :/

I really really really hope that Eva isn't the killer because that is too convenient.

And I really really really hope Ewan is. Just because it's always "poor Ewan". Geez, he's a man. D Not a toddler.

I have to say, throughout the story Charlie has started to behave less and less professional and she is acting like a 15 year old girl! In a bad way. :/ She's immature and yeah, kissing a suspect. What the hell?

I am very skeptic towards the progress here. Only Nate seems to have integrity at the moment. And maybe Kenny. I have high hopes for Kenny.

Either way, please think about the points I have brought up. I still like the story, I just want it to be as good as it can be.

Frac

Nice chapter. The grandparents don't seem like complete tools now. It's nice that they care about Ewan so much (I still don't care about him too much though).

Frac

Yay, some working business, questioning the suspect booyah!

"Wow, I had mind controlling powers. I was like a Jedi. Kick ass."

Indeed you do!

"“I love you, Charlie,” he said."

:( It better be in a brotherly way.

I think Charlie deserves a man with balls. Like Nate/Wayne/whatever he wanna name himself. He also has guns to make up for any potential loss of balls.

Ewan is grandma-whipped, and that's weak. :p

I hope she rejects him in the next chapter, and arrests him or something. XD

Frac

Confusion.

Grandma made very clear from the get-go she wanted girls in one room and boys in another so they would not interact during night.

But now she practically forces Char to sleep in the same bed as Nate/Wayne.

I'm not buying it. :/ It just seems like a plot device to make her and Nate "closer". In fact, Grandma comes off as a big pairing plot device - she is there to bash on Eva, be a pro EwanChar shipper, and get Char to sleep with Nate.

What?

"“Well, I’m sorry that your family’s psychotic!” Oh no she didn’t!"

With the way she is being treated, wow, she should be more grateful that the grandma is so rude towards her?

Again - Ewan lacks ballz. :/

And all this romantic pairing business is so off track. I wanna go back to the mysteries D

Fake cliffhanger no count.

Now I do wanna make clear Nate and Char seems like a cool pairing, the whole "I have a gun" bit was cute. But I think you are focusing way way way too much on pairings right now (and how bad Eva is).

Frac

"“I now. The world would be royally screwed without me.”"

I know

And the Eva bashing is insane :/ Wow, she is a vegetarian? And Ewan is ASHAMED? I mean, he has been dating her. They must have eaten together at least once. He should know this very well.

I am not a vegetarian, but that doesn't mean they're wrong and I am right. People eat what they wanna eat. I dunno. Grandma is losing severe cool points here. And Ewan is just a tool at the moment. Why is he dating her if she shames her so terribly? -_- He also lacks balls to stand up against his rude grandmother when she is bashing his girl. Geez.

"Eva looked completely disgusted and looked as if she were going to cry"

I don't blame her.

Seriously. She is being a victim all the time yet is made out to be a completely annoying bitch. But I don't see how she is an annoying bitch. At all. :/

Please remedy this soon.

You has upsetted me.

Frac

This is just a thought, but so far Eva is very one-dimensional. She's bitchy and there to piss off Charlie. I get that. But maybe you should invest more time in her character. Everyone has a positive side too. It doesn't mean Charlie have to like her, it just means us readers know she is not a cardboard character, if you know what I mean. The Eva bashing is starting to get boring.

Nice chapter, and ew, Pokeballz.

Frac

"“Why, aren’t you the most awkward looking young man I’ve ever seen?”"

I actually burst out laughing at this line XD I like the grandma, hells yes.

"Oh, and Ewan killed someone"

Nice :p

I can spot this fake cliffhanger, silly you! She's probably jokin or something. Pfft. XD

Frac

"“What the hell?” He asked,"

he asked

"but the American’s win,"

Americans

"He put on his shirt, which instantly saddened me."

Hahah XD

I have a bit of a hard time believing they wouldn't tell the two undercover cops, knowingly, that there was another one. I mean, they don't go undercover unless they got some undercover skill. Which means they should handle working as a team. I dunno. Just seems strange...

Still liking it, though.

Frac

This is for Bubbles' Review Marathon prize, but she gave her review away to you :) So here I am!

"“About what?” He asked."

He should not be capitalized as it is a continuation of the sentence, blabla, you probably know this already.

"I said, truthfully."

Skip the truthfully, it's superfluous. It doesn't seem like she wa lying either way.

"less you,” I smiled at him."

Comma only if followed by "he said" or any variation thereof. Last time I checked you cannot formulate a sentence by smiling, so it would have to be a period/dot there :p

Haha, Wayne is a cop too? XD Man a lot of people are interested in this case. Nice plot twist!

Still liking the story, FYI. I am just lazy. :( Charlie is kickass. The guy told her about the murders and she feels hungry XD

Keep it up!

Frac