Reviews for Noli Me Tangere - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Noli Me Tangere - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

Radioactive Jeans 2008-05-26 ch 7,	abuseI feel your pain, Anne, I really do. Good job on portraying her like this. It's so very beautiful and real. Keep it up! Much love!
pinkeclipse 2008-05-26 ch 7,	abuseand the drama begins!
Harmonic Discord 2008-05-24 ch 6,	abuseThe point of view switch felt slightly awkward to me, probably because I've gotten used to reading from Anne's P.O.V. That said, I thought the conversation between Maria and Katharine was well-written, and I liked Katharine's attitude toward the situation, particularly in the last paragraph. Also liked the little details you included, like the place where Katharine reverts to her native Spanish – it made the dialogue seem more realistic. I still feel like this story is slow to start/hasn't really begun yet, but that's really my only complaint. -Harmonic Discord from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
Harmonic Discord 2008-05-24 ch 5,	abuseI love the reference to the queens giving each other sympathetic looks – I could totally picture that in my mind. I felt like the part where Anne looked in the mirror and described her appearance was a little clichéd, however – lots of authors use "mirror-scenes" to allow their audience to learn of the characters' physical appearances, and it always feels a little contrived to me. I liked the introduction of Queen Katharine; the conversation between her and Anne seemed full of irony, considering what's going to happen later... Minor details: The two kings were magnificent looking as they were beside each other, garbed in jewel encrusted silk and cloth of gold. – This doesn't quite make sense to me... I think the "as" makes it awkward. Try: The two kings looked magnificent standing beside each other... A proud smile appeared on face, my love of the country where I was growing up prevailing over that of my birthplace. – You're missing the "my" “Ah, forgive me for underestimating you, dear sister,” he said, his voice turned absentminded. – I think "turned" should be "turning" Along the way, I passed by several couples of young nobility, drunk on wine, lust, or love; I was never sure which. – Nice! “How lovely. Mistress Boleyn, you are English-born, are you not?” Queen Katharine addressed me. – Again, with the redundancy thing. "Queen Katharine said" would probably make more sense. After smiling gently at me, she returned to the conversation she was having with Queen Claude before I had entered the room. – I think "was" should be "had been" -Harmonic Discord from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
Harmonic Discord 2008-05-24 ch 4,	abuseI liked the interaction with George. I feel like I'm getting a really good sense of Anne's character from the dialogue: lighthearted, slightly boastful, a bit goody-two-shoes. The humor in this chapter made it really enjoyable to read, so kudos for that. Again, however, I felt like this chapter was a little on the short side; the plot doesn't really seem to have started yet, and having lots of short chapters makes the story feel a bit slower, I think. Or maybe I'm just a fan of really long, meaty chapters. ^_^ Minor details: “Where is our tent located?” I questioned. – I don't know if the word 'questioned' should be used in this context; try 'asked' “I should hope Father is not going to marry you off to a knight,” -- grin - Harmonic Discord from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
Harmonic Discord 2008-05-24 ch 3,	abuseI really enjoyed this chapter. I like how you interweave the historical details (i.e. the story of Queen Claude) into the plotline. I got a really good sense of Queen Claude's character in a very short space of time, so excellent job introducing her as a character. The conversation between Anne and Mary feels a little odd to me, however – I was expecting Mary to be at least a tad angry that Anne had ratted on her to their Father, and the fact that she wasn't threw me a bit. But overall, another excellent chapter – looking forward to the next one! Minor details: “Anne?” I heard the voice of Queen Claude ask for me. – Again, this feels redundant. Try: "Anne?" asked Queen Claude. -Harmonic Discord from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
Harmonic Discord 2008-05-24 ch 2,	abuseLiked the exchange between Francois and Anne – it was amusing and fun to read. I love how you insert details and backstory into that exchange - introducing us to her sister, Mary, for example. You seem to have researched this story really well. My only criticism is that the chapter was a little short – we seem to have barely scratched the surface of the story. But maybe it's just one of those 'first-chapter-teaser' things. ^_^ Minor details: Francois noticed my scowl, as he would have had to be blind not to. – This sounds a little awkward. I think the "as" is unnecessary. Try: "Francois noticed my scowl; he would have had to be blind not to. About to finally doze off, my eyes opened – This makes it sound as though her eyes were about to finally doze off... not Anne herself. Somehow, I don't think that's what you meant. “Better a Moor than a whore.” – Nice play on words here -Harmonic Discord from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
Harmonic Discord 2008-05-24 ch 1,	abuseI like how you began with the birth of Katharine of Aragon's son; it threw me for a minute (I didn't even know Katharine had had a son) but in a good/attention-grabbing kind of way. And you certainly have a way with last lines. The flow of this chapter felt slightly choppy in places (try not to start too many sentences in a row with he/she). Overall, though, the writing was really good. A solid start to the story... on to the next chapter! Minor details: “We are young yet,” he tried to soothe her. – This feels redundant; you state that he's soothing her and he's soothing her in the dialogue. - Harmonic Discord, from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
audreyhaz 2008-05-20 ch 6,	abuseI'm really enjoying this. I really like your take on Anne. Most people see her as an evil witch who stole Henry away from Katherine. They make her seem unreal. I like how you make her seem human, unlike many others. Keep up the great work :)
Ilmiocuoreva 2008-04-30 ch 6,	abuseIt reads really well and I love Anne's character! The Tudor period is also really interesting. Good job- keep writing!
A G Moore 2008-04-29 ch 6,	abuseThank you so, so much for the PM, directing me to this story! I would have never read it otherwise (I hate admitting that, but it's true), being that I'm not a big fan of the Tudor period. But, and I say this with everything I have, I am enjoying this! The Tudor period, to me, has been nearly strung out to dry by so many other authors, but something about the way you write it gives it new life. And I must say that I'm exceedingly excited on the amount of Katharine that I've seen so far! She is my favorite of his wives. :)
pinkeclipse 2008-04-28 ch 6,	abusei love that idea of changing pov...thank you for updating!!
Rock Music is my Muse 2008-04-18 ch 5,	abuseWonderfully written. It reads like a novel, and I would not be surprised to hear if it was published. --Alex
Radioactive Jeans 2008-03-23 ch 5,	abuse... your change of title scared me. There's a Filipino book that has the exact same title as your story. But hey, I got no complains because I like it. I like how Anne is content with what she has, especially in this story. I'm beginning to see her in a new light. It's so fitting with your new title, seeing as she's a virtuous woman. Awesome update! Keep it up!
concerto49 2008-03-23 ch 1,	abuseHi, seems like you changed the title. Sorry it took so long for me to review, but each time I started reading something else got in my way. I'm a slow reader by far. "a great cry could be heard" - 'could be' here implies uncertainty. In the next sentence, you go on explaining this. I think what you're trying to portray is that although everyone's busy with their own stuff - in a particular corner is this special event you're trying to capture. Despite everyone's self indulgence, an unnoticed star will soon take over. You need to really show this better. In your descriptions I notice that you seem to explain what's around say but never going into detail about it. It's also very literally. Try for some comparisons, imagery, or anything else that suits you in the right mood for this. Listing and stating simply makes it objective. Pull in something to visually appeal the audience and really give them a feel of the situation. You've touched on it in some parts, but could be improved. After all, it's not the modern times - so you could go into people's looks, the way they dressed, and generally anything else. You want the readers to actually experiencing it in a way you first designed it to be. At least touch on it - if it's too vague the impressions might be totally different. It's a kingdom after all - a pretty good one. Try to capture the actual grand and whatever feel you'd really get from this type of environment. As to the dialog - try to sound more like people at those times and at their position. I remember reading plays on this topic (I think Shakespeare) and those people sounded more closer to it. It's probably just some minor changes, but that's the point. Throughout the years, English has changed, and more importantly the way we speak. If you do want to capture history, then by all means. In that sense also beware of all the different types of people and how they speak - it's even more obvious at those times than now. Finally, before I leave - try to fit some purpose or maybe a prophecy etc into it. Something more about what would happen would be nice. Something to string the plot together instead of just a scene about birth. Make it more interesting and more to look forward to. Anyhow. That's it for now. I don't know. Like I said, it doesn't say enough about what will happen next. Needs more tie-ins for later.

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