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| ravenurse 2008-03-18 ch 5,  | abuseI really enjoyed this story, even more so when you put the last chapter up, it is super creepy! Great job! ravenurse |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-16 ch 5, | abuseI would be terrified. I think this story is going to give me nightmares. Have a great day. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-06 ch 4, | abuseScary chappie. Nice work. Have an excellent day. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Bobertkins 2008-03-03 ch 3, | abuseKinda leaves you hanging. I am eager to see how the title plays into the rest of the story, if it has any relevance at all. Like I said in my previous review your dialogue is your strong point, with the exception of the little chat between Jennifer and Steve at the end, all of it was right on. I would like to say two things though. First you may want to change up your sentence structure a little bit. After a quote you would always have "So-and-so did this" it is always the same (Noun-Action Verb-Direct Object) sentence structure which isn't bad in and of it self, but when it is used repeatedly it makes for a monotonous feel I really enjoyed reading your story, you have a good plot lined up, though I would like to say Steve's character seems a bit hoaxy, like he has been reading to many Urban Legend sites. It kinda detracted a little from the realism that he knew EXACTLY what they were even though claiming that he didn't. Other then that I did enjoy it, and I look forward to your next chapters! Keep up the good work friend :) -Bobertkins |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-03 ch 3, | abuseInteresting. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-03 ch 2, | abuse"Souls . . . give us . . . souls." *shivers* Oh, creepy. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-03 ch 1, | abuseI think the opening sentence would flow better if you rearranged casually and Jennifer. Instead of "Jennifer casually . . ." it could be "Casually Jennifer walks . . ." Really, when you use well in dialogue as an interjection you should use a comma afterward. For example, "Well, the earthquakes . . ." or "Well, I'm gonna . . ." The comma represents the pause before the person actually starts on their real sentence. Soul Reapers sound interesting. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |