'Adriel instantly came to life her into the side saddle' i believe you ment to say he came to 'lift' her... besides that wow awesome job

I love how descriptive you are with Elyssa. The character you chose Elyssa to be (quiet and has a aura. She would make a perfect queen one day. are they going to fall in love?!? please update soon!
Love, Sasa13

hmm, sentences feel a little choppy here. it's like a bulletted list strung together into paragraphs. you kind of miss the fact that the plot is starting to unfold. so many characters, though.

gah, i'm sorry. i've developed a critical brain lately. sorry too for not reading the chapters in one go. much as i would love to marathon, i have school stuff that categorize reading as pleasure and pleasure as time wasted not doing schoolwork.

still offering to be beta though. i cheat...i don't consider that as pure pleasure but a happy responsibility ^_^

Very well constructed adjectives. *applauds*

I apologize for being a critical reader in advance. My inner grammar teacher acts up every so often. You have typos and grammatical errors so...Also, your paragraphs are longer than they should be. They can be split up into smaller ones, especially if they are meant for online audience. Blocky paragraphs make people lazy to read stuff.

All the bad I can say are about the technical stuff, though. I like the way you construct your sentences.

I am offering services as beta reader if you'd like...

Not sure what to write for this chapter...
This is a great story and I'm starting to see the outline of the plot, but I might be wrong.

I'm predicting a sort of love triangle between Mariana, Adriel, Elyssa, and Cedric...mainly Mariana likes Adriel, who likes ELyssa who likes Adriel back. And then there's Cedric. I might be wrong, but for now that's what I'm thinking. I'm not asking you to tell me anything though.

haha Mariana is set for heartbreak...

This is a great story, but like I said, you should probably re-check it for typos or maybe get a BETA.

...

I have a couple theories about the love interests, but it's too soon to tell...

A couple typos here and there, but everyone makes them...

More, more, more...

I think that the writing is super-good! You have a really extensive vocabulary...

Also, maybe you could try putting the first chapter into more paragraphs. Don't make it longer, just find a place where you can seperate the paragraphs. Some people tend to skim over long paragraphs and end up missing some important parts.

on to read more... :P