Great use of dialogue! I like the plot. But just for clarification issues.. here I go:

So the beginning she's at school. She suddenly falls asleep and slips into her dream, where it's almost like another life for her. She's in love with a band guy and has been with him for a while.

Then we go back to school, but she's in a coma. Her heart stopped beating because she committed suicide in her dream.

Also, is this a one-shot, a first chapter, or a prologue? At first it seemed like a first chapter, but then she died so I thought it was a one-shot.

Or did she die?

I'm confused, but am interested if there is more to this! Keep me posted.

..shad

P.S. And it would also be superb if you could check out my latest incomplete, The Dragonfly. =]

It good, but very confousing... I like it though!