YAY FOR CRACK STORIES! ! ! (And thank you for writing this for me Meaghan, it was wicked fun to think up, and you just wrote your dreams out so well that I thought you could do a really good job with this story too. Plus if it was my job to write this it would never get done, and it would never even have been invented since we only came up with it under the pretense that I wanted you to write a rediculous story for me and we were going to decide what it would be about together. But anyways, thanks for writing it!)
On With The Review!

Xavier Lordy! HeeHeeHeeHeeHeeHee! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I love it so much!
Why does he get a private Jacuzzi?! I wanna private Jacuzzi! No! I wanna private Jacuzzi overlooking the oceanfront of my private island resort and spa of Canadia (yay for Canadia! - where the TRUE Canadians live) in the 1700's. That is not something you see everyday. In fact, it's probably something that you don't see ever at all, due to the sad facts that Canadia doesn't really exsist and that they didn't actually have Jacuzzis (private or otherwise) in the 1700's. Poor colonial peoples, forced to live without Jacuzzis. So sad.
Moving On!
Clarification please. People would be WILLING to pay thousands to stay on it (like he is), or people would CONSTANTLY pay thousands to stay on it (like paying him rent for a great vacation spot)
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! ! ! ! ! Yay for him. (seriously, I'm on the ground laughing here)
His prized posession - a tutu! From Santa Clause no less! I know it's too late now, and I love it the way it is (not just saying that. is hysterical) but I kinda think Santa shoulda given it to him for something other than Christmas, like Chinese New Year.
OhMyGod! A tutu that looks flattering on a guy! I am in shock! He must have great legs! Although, it is pink and fluffy. What kind of pink fluffy tutu DOESN'T look flattering on guys?!
KARAOKE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! WO! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! PARTAY! ! ! ! ! But wait. Is he a good singer? He should totally randomly break out into song in one of the later chapters. And don't even announce it either, just have him start spouting Britaney Spears lyrics and wait for people to catch on. He seems like the kind of guy who would sing Britaney Spears songs. I bet he knows all the words to every single one of them.
Yes, every archaeologist DOES travel all over the world, carry a whip, nearly get flattened by a large rolling rock, discover the holy grail, fight Nazis, and get the sexy sidekick. DUH! I mean, seriously, if they didn't, then why would they make it happen that way in the movies?!
Oh yes, those libraries, they are good for everything aren't they?! So conveniant. And yet, I loathe them. Maybe if I found a magical wand named after an aincent Incan civilization I would be able to sacrafice myself for the sake of knowlege and go to one despite how much I detest them.
Claps for Norrington! ! ! (who got killed by a fish) Literal claps. I just saw "King Norrington of Frillyland" and started clapping for him. I bet this would be so much more fun if you sould see my reactions. But then you wouldn't be able to get my reviews. Hmm... Maybe I could set up a camera on the top of my computer screen and record myself reading and reviewing! Then you could see my fun reactions and (since you wouldn't know what I was reacting to) still be hearing new stuff when you read my review! And I could even edit out the boring parts where I was just reading and typing, so all you'd get is the fun stuff! I fee brilliant. Yay for brillinat me.
Okay, back to the reviewing...
An amazing fairy costume! It's what I've always dreamed of! I can see how that would cause a lot of trouble, because everyone wants to have an amazing fairy costume (and some of those people want eternal youth also, but not nearly as many, I'm sure).
Does the tutu give you the ability to fly like a bird, like a fairy, like reindeer, or like a balerina in zero greavity?
What kind of a sailor doesn't now how to conjure supplies with a magic wand?! I am ashamed of you Torchwood! You have disgraced the name of sailors everywhere! Because of your incompetence I will never be able to board a ship without worring about whether or not the captain knows how to conjur supplies.
It was not just any pink puffy tutu! Which you really have to be careful of because there are so many people who go around wearing pink puffy tutus these days that you just can't be sure whether the infamous pink puffy tutu your looking at is the infamous pink puffy tutu that you're looking for or a different infamous pink puffy tutu all together!
Yes awkward. 1700's. WOW! I bet that Mister Lordy feel just a little bit embarrassed, although, he never felt self-conscious about the pink puffy tutu, so you never know. This may seem like average every-day stuff to him.
Bloody Hell! ! ! Never mind. He's mad.
LOLOLOLOL! ! ! I love it! "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?!" "Give me the tutu" *glare*
It's not get out of my sight. It's not get out of my room. It's not get out of my house. It's not get off of my yard. It's not get off of my property. No, this guy owns the whole damn island!
I can just see Torchwood glaring evily at Mister Lordy, pointing the want right between his eyes, with pink sparkles coming out of the end and the fluffy stuff that covers it blocking Lordy's vision. HeeHee... fairy wands RULE!
OOH! Those are the best kinds of fights ever! NO! YES! NO! YES!... Although, slap fights are a close second.
Situation: There's a guy on top of you attempting to beat you to death. His fists are his only weapons, however he is wearing a magical tutu which he looks damn good in. What do you do?
a) Scream for help. This guy is clearly psychotic.
b) Knee him in the groin. Answer to all your problems.
c) Try to squirm out from under him and run away.
d) Wack him on the head with a mythical magical fairy wand that you don't even know how to conjur supplies with.
Clarification: Torchwood was made worse for wear by every hit so he started punching Lordy, who was then an orangutan. Correct? (That sentence was all "he"s, no names. They're both "he"s, so is confusing.)
Yays! Easter Bunny! I was wondering when he'd show up. He was the first specific thing that I said had to be in there, right? I think so. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Sweet! The Easter Bunny can make force fields! The next time he's at the mall I'm gonna have to ask him to do that for me.
I love it! "This crazy sailor is trying to steal my Tutu!" LOLOLOLOL! ! ! ! !
"Make him give it to me! Please?" HeeHeeHee! Torchwood sounds like a three year-old!
I know that right know I'm really doing more quoting than actual commenting, but this line just looks so funny out of context: "'Silence!' The Bunny commanded."
When I go to see the Easter Bunny at the mall to ask him to make a force field for me I'm gonna wear a tutu and bring a wand and ask him to "wave his arms a little" and make them fly to him.
Now, Be Gone! ! ! Yes I mean you. Go away. Why are you still here? I told you to leave! You're so mean. I hate you. Okay, that's a lie. I don't really hate you. But I will if you don't leave. You've got ten seconds. Ten... Niner... (HaHaHaHaHa - niner. I'm sorry, it just sounds really funny) Eight... Seven... Six... Five... Four... Three... Two... One... Zero! Are you gone yet? GRAH! I give up! Stay if you want, you big meanie!
(Yes I know is random but I wanted to tell someone to be gone. It just looked like so much fun.)
I love the ending: "This was the start of one seriously horrible, stupid adventure."
FSM FOREVER! ! !

You know you love my reviews. They're weird and random and spazmatic (if there were any reviews that could ever be considered spazmatic, they would be mine) and bizzare and just plain strange, but you know you love them.
And LONG! WOW my reviews have gotten long! Oh well, they're fun to write and longer is better when it comes to reviews anyways.