Reviews for Maybes - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Maybes - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

silverflight 2008-07-20 ch 1,	abuseFor a poem of 88 words, it's marvelous. I really liked the last stanza! As well, you do recognize that a line doesn't have to end at a comma (!!) and makes the line flow more smoothly. You're right--how many times have we said, maybe, what if, if only I could have... ? Your poem sums this big IF question very well. Really, I think if you wanted to, the last stanza would work as a poem by itself. Love it!
The Autism of Ethan Block 2008-07-20 ch 1,	abuseWow, I like this... sadness, regret, second thoughts. Is this based on a real life event?
muerte21 2008-06-16 ch 1,	abusei really relate to this it makes me think of my ex and what i could have done
BlackestOpal 2008-06-10 ch 1,	abuseThis poem is sad. I loved the first two lines, they were my favourite. The brackets and italics worked well, as did the rhyming.
Satsumaimo 2008-05-27 ch 1,	abuse...All I can think, is "WOW" I love this one!! It's absolutely beautiful! The last stanza, the last line really, blows me away! The entire thing is amazing, though! And the opening two lines in italics, oh my goodness! This is definitely one of my favorite pieces on FP!!
Queensaysal 2008-05-26 ch 1,	abuseWow. I can sense the impact this choice had on you, and everyone else. It is not easy to lose someone like that. "I thought I disposed my final link to you, long before you pulled the trigger because you were but a living gost" This is perhaps the strongest lines here. You(the reader) can feel the anger in these lines, the want to fix what happens if you could do it all over again. "...exorcized the demons haunting you. maybe I could of saved you found the missing pieces of your soul" ARE the strongest words here. You know what happened, but you don't know how to fix it. Over all, this is one of my all-time favorite pieces. Thank you. ~Queensaysal
2008-05-26 ch 1, anon.	abuseHi there! O.K., I'd like to this properly, so here goes: These are the things that your poem made me feel, my interpretations, etc; I'll get to the tecnicalites later in my review, all right? "You’re gone with one simple action (mistake) and everything you were to me evaporates." These lines speak silently about accusation; I seem to be getting the impression that you're angry with the person who has gone. If I let myself imagine (feel) deeper, I'd say that the "everything you were to me evaporates" line is forced, as in anger induced. Like say, your anger makes you say that the person who's gone no longer means anything to you anymore. "The impact astounds me, since I thought I disposed of my final link to you long before you pulled that trigger because you were but a living ghost, a fraction of whom you used to be." This part is self-anger. You seem to be angry at yourself for the supposed weakness on your part for the person's passing. The last two lines suggest a sort of self-justification for your anger at this person, you seem to be convincing yourself that you possibly couldn't have done anything else. "Maybe I could’ve enlivened you, exorcized the demons haunting you. Maybe I could’ve saved you, found the missing pieces of your soul." This, of course, is when you feel pained at what has happened, and the shame at your possible contribution to it. I found the "I could’ve saved you, found the missing pieces of your soul" line particularly beautiful. "In this world of tragedy, maybes occupy every corner, but answers dwell in other universes." This stanza speaks to me of laboured acceptance, and quite resignation. Now for the technicalities: The words complement the poem: you've used words that FIT, not necessarily those with bling, if you get what I mean. As for your rhythm, it's nicely done. It flows well in some parts, and gets, sluggish and labored in others; but for me, it symbolically highlights the subject. All in all, I loved this piece
hateandkill-D 2008-05-05 ch 1,	abusei love this peice. it's very well structred and u can hear what is being said, no extra words or any overly left out. wonderful job.
Justin A Caynon 2008-04-25 ch 1,	abuseI think the poem is solid, I liked the last stanza the best. But it all flowed well. Something I would suggest, and this might just be a style issue, is that you capitalize the start of each line. Also it just seems to me that the word mistake in line one would be best served if the line were written like this: "You're gone with one simple action. Mistake." Something about the parenthesis just irk me. But that's just me nit-picking, good poem. And if this is true, sorry for your loss.
iloveanimecartoons 2008-04-12 ch 1,	abuseThis drew me in very close to home. it was touchy but more everyday than most chose to dwell on. The things no longer able to be said. I loved the last line because it takes a potential cliche and expounds on it until I'm tapping me chin going, "Hm...". I liked the term 'living ghost' as it portrays one that's withering away before your very eyes. The universal tone of regret has been well-worded in this piece! Another favorite to add to the bunch!
Yellers 2008-04-05 ch 1,	abuseGreat poem The stanzas are organized well, it's organized in such a way it clearly emphasizes the the ending sentence and beginning sentence of each stanza. Very captivating it kept me thinking and gave me that profound sort of feeling, it was awesome. The flow was also great, yet this segment "The impact astounds me, since I thought I disposed of my final link to you" It might have a better flow if you threw out since (it's not really needed). Other than that amazing job on that part. The words were well balanced. I really loved the "Living ghost" bit. Plus being that the title is Maybes I loved how you started two of the sentences with Maybe in stanza 2. All things included it was wrapped up into a lovely poem. Amazing job -Yellers*
NJ Is My Home 2008-03-30 ch 1,	abusei can relate to this..one my extremely close family members committed suicide also and i was planning on writing a poem on it, too..i love all the stanzas especially the last one, which is really powerful and true
Takhisis 2008-03-20 ch 1,	abusei am pleased with the poem. i don't reall like the first two stanza but the third stanza sounds nice.
KnittingKneedle 2008-03-16 ch 1,	abuseHi, second Review Marathon winning prize thingy. I liked the first couplet it was very lyrical. Everything about this poem seems to be interwoven, falling is like death and love and pretty much going through life. There are elements of despair and also hope in this, guilt and also accusations- it's very real and you can tell that this is something you care about...the last line, mystified me a little in the three lined stanza- I think another line would have been better suited to the Form, but apart from that great job!
fatbird33 2008-03-15 ch 1,	abusei really liked the first two stanzas, they flowed really well. i however don't understand why they're in italics. is it like a summary of the piece or somehting? behold your prize of the review marathon!

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