You tease! Everytime it gets so close and something's good about to happen something else intercepts. >< But I absolutely love Charlie, such a blurblob. And a very adorable one at that. But keep doing away with the cliche, 'coz it keeps people coming back to wait for that one moment when it's not cliche but actually the most cliche of all cliche-s. ^^

Okay, now I get the variation in point of view: as a pattern, it does work.

I also like the pattern of musings at the end -- I can feel tension building, which is good.

minor corrections: don't use "male(s)" when you should use "he" or "him" or "his" or "they" or "theirs" or just someone's name. Also, here's a sample to keep that pesky lay-lie-lied-laid-lain straight (there are three distinct verbs there, two of which are close but not identical in meaning):

He lied to me about where he laid his books last night before he lay down in bed.

"Lay your books on the table," I said. "You can lie down afterwards."

"I laid them there already," he said, but in the morning I found them lying on the floor. Right where the lye was leaching out of the pipes!

"Guess where your books lay?" I asked him at the breakfast table.

His hand lay in his lap, curled into an angry fist. "I did not lay my books on the floor!" he said, lying again. "Someone else picked them up and laid them there."\


so, in short:


to tell a falsehood:
lie lied has lied lying

To put oneself down or to rest in position:
lie lay has lain lying

to put something else down, or to produce eggs:
lay laid has laid laying


It's hard, that's why I put so much effort into the explanation.

I really really like the structure, now that I see what it is, and I adore Harry and Charlie.

I'm enjoying the story. Is there a reason why it starts in first person and continues in semi-omniscient third? The latter feels more right, by the way.

Ah, Harry. You sillysillygoose. Everything is cliché. The world thrives on it. You and your longing for something impossible is killing your love interest, man. Well, update. NOW.

Mm, yummy-ness. I'm very interested to see where this is going. But somehow it sounds like a Drarry fic (Draco and Harry, if you don't know). Continue writing! ^^ I read your other story - Swan bathing in Innocence - it's very intrigueing and makes the reader want to read on, but I think Carwyn's character should be more distinctly outlined in personality. You're a really good writer. :)

If it doesn't take up too much time, would you head over and read my fanfics? It's Rose-Teardrop on . I haven't posted any stories on this account, but it'll be soon. xD

Keep on writing! :)