FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| HtOnline 2008-03-04 ch 1,  | abuseHey, just had a look at your story. I've just started my own series, and I was really glad I came across yours. Most stories on this site, while generally well-written, are hard to imagine as a book. I like the fact that you haven't gone in and put random "Uh's" and other sarcasm symbols that a lot of stories have everywhere. It actually resembles the writing you'd see in a book in a bookstore. I'm definitely intrigued by the whole "nymph" deal! Some issues though: "Her voice trailed off, though, as ..." the "though" sounds plain wrong in this otherwise perfect sentence. Too casual, y'know? You might want to go thru the story and weasel out several other instances, and it will sound even better. I'm glad that, unlike most 3rd-person writers, you aren't just stating the actions, but experimenting with the flow; it flows very smooth. Looking forward to the next chapter. PS: I've put your story into my New Jewels C2. |