Very well-written. The one line I had a comment about was this one at the start: "Have you ever heard of February 9th, 20?" My first thought after reading this was, "Well, sure, it was the day after Feb. 8th." Can you rephrase this and choose a better verb than "heard of", so it's more accurate?

On other thing that might make your essay stronger would be to tie the first part of the essay (where you list the history of school shootings) and the second part (where you talk about how bullying indirectly causes the shootings) together more strongly. A good way to do this would be to show us that some of the shooters were motivated by bullying in their childhoods.

Good work!
Reythia

Wow, a really great essay!

This is an issue that is really affecting many secondary school and university level kids. Doubts that we can be safe in our own schools is very unnerving for a lot of people nowadays.

I hope you got a good mark on this because you certainly did an excellent job of it!

This review is brought to you by the review marathon, link on my profile.

I liked this essay, it's very very relevant when you look at what's going on today. However, I have to argue that your essay is far too reductionist. You have to remember that bullying is not a recent thing, there have been bullies for as long as their have been schools- you read Tom Brown's school days and are disgusted by the level of bullying that occured in these prestigious schools and you wonder why no body has committed mass slaughter. Because there are no guns.

Remove guns from the equation, remove violent video games and websites promoting violence, remove the media infamy that a shooter gets and you would be suprised how a person turns out.
Because the typical model for a victim of bullying is not a shooter, they are bullies themselves and self-harmers at the very worst- the trouble is the media portraying shooting people as an acceptable outlet for bullying, and gun sales being provided as an option.

The model of a high school shooter is someone who wants to be somebody. Who wants power. Wants to be noticed.

Your hypothetical situation was good and the figure about switzerland was also interesting. But I find it faintly amusing that you think bullying doesn't exist in Switzerland, if guns aren't the whole problem, they have to be part of the problem- as is the school environment a person is in.

If anything it's the school's ignorance of this person, not the added attention of bullying that will send a person over the edge. Though I have to agree that a school can do much more,counselling etc...because these things don't just come out of nowhere.

I blame the lack of community that American schools have. Here in England, you are more likely to feel a part of the school life, you wear uniforms to feel like part of a group and are actively involved in contributing to school assemblies and teachers seem to spot what's going on.

Sorry about my ramblings...but as you can see, you wrote a very good essay because it got me thinking!

I know that the dorkey little guy isn't real- but I want to help him- I was the wierdo when i was little- I had no friends because I was fat or I sounded funny. I know the relm of the outcasts- there is no lonlier place on earth- than when no one loves you.