FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Nemonus 2008-04-20 ch 1,  | abuseGood. A finely constructed poem with a realistic and unique subject. I was forced to pause, unable to picture the line "the blue of dead men’s soles curled tight". I couldn't picture it, nor how to connect it to the nevertheless visible and effective metaphor "hamster wheels of light". The last line illustrates the frivolousness of art, which sometimes, like writing, demands to be something you did not expect it to be. I also like "improptus" as a noun and the use of "sudden" as applied to eyes (because those are the best kind). "small things/like when to hide" is also a good turn of phrase. |
| Shadows in the Fire 2008-04-14 ch 1, | abuseBeautiful. I love the title and the last stanza is flawless. -Shadow |
| Moondog Dozier 2008-03-12 ch 1, | abuseI like the attention to sound that exudes from this. Word placement is excellent. The third stanza really volleys well with the progression of sound. It grounds the whole work well. The detail of the first stanza really draws the reader into the visual with the unique wording and rhyme spill. Very well written. It's always a delight to read something new of yours. MD:77. |
| setne 2008-03-08 ch 1, | abuseSuch a wonderful abstract piece, very vivid and visceral. The wording alone make this poem unique and fresh. Great stuff! |
| MyDamnedSelf 2008-03-05 ch 1, | abuseI like this the flow is really nice, lots of imagery like always. I like the way you seem so distracted by the thought of him that you can't draw his eyes, too many things you love about him keep getting in the way. Great work :) |
| spiderfly 2008-03-05 ch 1, | abuse'Hamster-wheels of light' - ooh, that line made me all shivery. I don't understand it, but I don't have to understand it to love it. You write the abstract so brilliantly. |
| Nonya Soum 2008-03-05 ch 1, | abuseI expected something sappy or at least romantic, but I didn't read the category. I'm glad it is as it is. It's original and I like how the poem looks. Very nice poem! Write on! |