   FireFalcon1414 2009-10-24 . chapter 40Dear toomanypickles (and anyone else who actually reads the Reviews pages of FictionPress stories),
I admit it: I hate leaving reviews. I always feel like a spaz who writes an essay where two lines is expected; then again, I feel like two lines are never enough, because reviews should be special and consist of more than just "ur story was so good omg lolol!1!!eleven".
I feel a need to explain this, because it leads into my apology for not writing a review for "The devil and me". Which was fabulous, don't get me wrong - I just wasn't feeling very verbose when I finished it, and didn't think I was up to the task of leaving a worthy review that would be longer than two lines and shorter than an essay.
Now, however, I have just finished "Curtis and Me", and have decided to throw my reservations about lengthy reviews in the recycling bin (and not the trash bin, since I know they'll come back and I don't want sticky remains from whatever else is in the trash coming back with them; I'd much prefer they take their brief vacation with scraps of discarded paper)!
First, I need to say that sequels almost always suck. And by "almost always" I mean "roughly 98% of the time". I always read them (particularly when the first story is so enjoyable), and I am always disappointed.
I wasn't this time!
Not only was the sequel as much fun as the original, but it had an unique plot that simultaneously continued the wonderful experience of the first story AND expanded upon the original idea! This is so rare! You'll have to take my word on the fact that I usually don't usually use exclamation points this often, but I'm using them now because I'm so excited about the fact that this plot was actually GOOD! And sequels usually suck!
Now that I've convinced you (again) that I'm a spaz, I will continue to my next bit of raving, which is somewhat less excited sounding (because I was less surprised by it) but no less important (because it totally is important).
The writing style was very effective - giving the audience a full view of Josie's life while still keeping it all in her point of view. (By the way, I usually dislike writing in which the story is told from different characters' perspectives. It's inconsistent, drives me crazy, and is generally not well-done or in-character.) Josie's voice was very convincing, especially due to her matter-of-fact way of expressing herself. There were no overly-emotional exclamations of passion and/or depression - her reactions to every situation she found herself in were actually completely realistic.
I'm also generally not a fan of short chapters. No offense, but chapters that aren't at least 4,0 words kinda bug me. However, in this case, I found the varying lengths of the chapters (even the shortest ones) worked very well - it helped the feel of frank storytelling that Josie's tone set up, and I felt that each chapter ended where it wanted to. It probably would have bothered me more as a reader while you were updating, but as a reader of the completed work I found it very refreshing. Kudos on knowing how to end a chapter, bee-tee-dubs.
It took me a while to warm up to the characters - I wasn't sure what to think of Curtis for most of the story, which was probably intentional, and isn't actually a complaint at all; I'm still not sure what to think of Lucifer, who I sort of think had good intentions all along if not for the whole crazy-family-stealing-Josie's- uterus thing; and Josie felt sort of flat to me for a long time (and I don't just mean her chest!). I sort of wanted more backstory to her - for example, why doesn't she have any friends? That bugged me. I mean, Julian (aka DoucheMan) dumped her, and then she had no one? At all? I get no family, but no friends? AT ALL? Hm. I haven't read "Josie and Company" yet (though I'm looking forward to it), so I can't say you never explain it, because I really don't know for sure, but still. Buggage.
(Speaking of "Josie and Company": I would like to say that I totally plan to leave another review after it, but as I previously mentioned, I hate reviewing, so no promises.)
Which isn't to say I didn't like Josie. I adored Josie. She was quirky and loved oatmeal. How can you not like a character who's quirky and loves oatmeal? The answer: You can't. Plus, she was aware of her own faults, and could admit to herself that she's a selfish ** - then, even better, not dwell on the fact and get all angsty and self-hating. Angsty characters are not fun to read! They are whiny! Josie did not whine, and for this I adore her even more.
The only other thing (which is very small and that I wouldn't bring up if it wasn't consistent throughout both stories) has to do with punctuation. I am a Grammar Nazi, and so must correct people who make grammatical errors. Apologies if this offends.
Now, to illustrate my case, I take a quote from chapter 40 of "Curtis and Me":
“Okay, okay, don’t get carried away.” I tell him with a grin. He puts me back on my feet.
“Let’s never fight again.” He says.
I can’t help the snort that escapes me. “That will never happen.” I tell him. “We’re both contrary people; it’s impossible.”
“Nothing is impossible.” He argues, grinning like a fool.
The punctuation error occurs in each of these lines of dialogue, and is that periods should not be used at the end of a line when it is followed by the rest of the sentence, and should instead be commas. Which is very hard to describe, so here's an example:
"This is the correct way to do it," said the annoying Grammar Nazi. "Periods still go at the very end of it, though, and exclamation points and question marks are unaffected. It's kinda confusing."
And, another example, using the piece I just took from chapter 40:
“Okay, okay, don’t get carried away,” I tell him with a grin. He puts me back on my feet.
“Let’s never fight again,” he says.
I can’t help the snort that escapes me. “That will never happen,” I tell him. “We’re both contrary people; it’s impossible.”
“Nothing is impossible,” he argues, grinning like a fool.
See? It's not that hard, once you get the hang of it, and makes sense, since it's technically all one sentence.
Anyway, as I said, I wouldn't have mentioned this if it hadn't been consistent. I hope this bit of advice helps you in future writings, and not that you think I'm just being an annoying reviewer who thinks she knows better. Because I mean this in a constructive way, and other than this one mistake your grammar was pretty solid (which is more than can be said for a lot of internet-published writers). So, um... yeah.
In conclusion, the stories of Josie and Curtis are totally awesome and make me very happy on the inside. All criticism is insignificant in comparison to the wonderfulness, and I look forward to reading the next sequel (which may or may not be reviewed, but probably not).
And that is my 7,0 character essay on "The devil and me" and "Curtis and Me". I hope it will be well-received.
Have a nice day,
FireFalcon1414
PS: I'm sort of looking forward to this showing up on the Reviews page, since it's a bit monstrous. Ho-hum... |
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