 keeping the moon 2008-03-05 . chapter 1I really like how you took the normal wishes ( prince charming on a white horse) and did the opposite. That was creative, and the rhymes flowed nicely. The only thing I would suggest is fixing line 17;
you hold me hand
Changing that to a "my" and perhaps fiddling with the last sentence just a teeny bit more, as it throws of the pretty lilt of the poem ever so slightly. The use of italics in this was also very wisely used, and the words were more powerful in their effect.
Well done. |