Reviews for Beyond Sight - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Beyond Sight - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Leenaelle 2008-04-30 ch 5,	abuseJust a couple things to think about...This chapter was really long, which I can see by your authors note you're usually aiming for, but I don't think you need to focus on length quite as much. A lengthy chapter is fine...if it's necessary, but with this chapter, I felt like it was too long? I don't know if I'm making sense, but this is what I observed. The beginning was really great, I liked the description and the news that Taran was leaving for two months, thought that was great, and I can imagine, was very important to your plot. Then again, at the end, with Esme talking to Mr. Campbell, was also great. The middle part, to me, was dialogue heavy. I felt like you could have cut the dialogue from that part of the story, and given it to us just as easy in paragraph form, which would have gotten the jist to the reader and not bogged down the chapter. I only say this because you were really just giving us a glimpse of Esme's past catching up with her again, and how she deals with difficult situations, which I understand is important and I think it's absolutely necessary that it be said. Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh, but I know I've struggled with the too much dialogue thing before too, and the "I want it to be a nice long chapter" thing. I just think your story would be more gripping and attention grabbing if you focused down the less important story points, and emphasized those that really mean something in the larger picture of your story. Hope you have a great time away from your computer...and good luck on all of those end of term things when you get back. I also want you to know that I really do love your story! Looking forward to your next update!
Queen of Laughs 2008-04-26 ch 5,	abusegood chapter... i cant wait for more interacting be tween the two... :D post asap 11
Nerdette 2008-04-26 ch 5,	abuseGood stuff!
Kiki 2008-04-14 ch 4, anon.	abusesheesh, it's terrible that her husband is reading her private letter. but on the other hand, it might help bring them together...
Kristen 2008-04-13 ch 4, anon.	abuseI love your story! More, please :-)
Magischer 2008-04-11 ch 4,	abuseThis story is very well written, though sometimes in the dialog it seems like Esme will say things they don't normally say. Like in the letter, she says "or what," which probably isn't what they say back then. I probably shouldn't say anything, though, I would never be able to write dialog perfectly in a story set in another century, and you're doing a pretty darn good job! Great update, as usual.
Leenaelle 2008-04-11 ch 4,	abuseFirst of all, that last paragraph is EXTREMELY intriguing! I can't even tell you how much I am looking forward to the next chapter. That said, I have one itsy bitsy thing about this chapter. When Esme is talking to Taran about how she just wants him to talk so that she can know she's not married to an enigma?? I feel like Esme doesn't really care about Taran, as much as she cares about her own bordom? That's what I thought when I read it, that she really just wants some company and human contact. Just a thought, as a reader. This is an absolutely excellent story and I can't wait to see what happens next!
Queen of Laughs 2008-04-11 ch 4,	abuseyay... an update!! good chapter i cant wait for more interaction between them!! post asap!
Ck90 2008-04-11 ch 4,	abuseA trap to cathc her in? What exactcly is the duke planning? He seems so Aloof and cold, and is stopping quite low reading his wifes mail. I swear no decency. Only Joking!n WEll I hope that you have Capitulo numero cinco up soon! I like the story alot I just love the scottish highlands! UPDATE SOON!!
Essie 2008-04-06 ch 1, anon.	abuseVery unlikely a Lord if he is the youngest son. Titles pass onto the eldest.
maidengarnet 2008-03-30 ch 3,	abuseAw, he doesn't know she's a nice person... Poor girl. I hope he warms up to her a little soon - but I kinda doubt it. Please write more quickly! (I shall perish if you don't, and you don't want that on your conscious, do you?)
jujube 2008-03-27 ch 3, anon.	abuselol take as much time as u want to write your other chapters, I know that u have a life other than writting stories :P. Good luck with your school projects /exams, I know how u feel (about being sick) as I'm spending more time with my kleenex box than anybody else, its been during for a week now damn flu T_T... anyways... Back 2 the story, it is getting more and more interesting , I wonder what are Taran's squelettons, and why he decided 2 marry her despite all the shocking and scandalous stories her dad told him( cuz even though he's blind he seems 2 be good looking, + he's a Duck ), oh well maybe he's her saviour (hope he is!),and at least Esme wont have 2 face her family anymore. I dunno why but I have a feeling that there's more to the death of Esme's mother than what the story tells... I love the turning of this story, so I hope u'll update it within a reasonnable amount of time:P , keep up the good work (^_^)
Leenaelle 2008-03-27 ch 3,	abuseI am really liking where you're going with the story, but I still have the same observation with my last review. I don't think his blindness comes out quite as strong. In describing his land, I think you did an excellent jobs, because the most vivid description was that of smells. I completely understand that he would have been told by someone that there are rolling hills and such. But, you said something about her taking a drink of her wine, which didn't go unnoticed by him, that just put in my mind his watching her, which doesn't really work with blindness. I'm not trying to be harsh, but I feel like the story would be more powerful if we could sense his blindness more. You could describe him groping for handrails, or searching for silverware on the table, or reaching but missing a glass. I understand he's probably lived with blindness all his life, but so have a lot of others and they still need guide dogs and sticks to help them know where things are. Sorry, I'm rambling. I just want you to know that I really love the story, a lot, and I hope my reviews haven't been discouraging!
Leenaelle 2008-03-27 ch 2,	abuseSo sorry! I meant to read your second chapter a while ago, and when I got the alert that you had updated, I realized that I had forgotten. I need those little e-mail messages to prod me into reading. haha. Ok, from the title and summary of your story, it seems that Taran is supposed to be blind. And while I'm sure you didn't really want to make it totally obvious that he was blind, I don't think you did enough to make it realistic later?? If that makes sense. I realized that he wasn't looking at Esme through the ceremony, which is strange. And the blue eyes is definitely something else. But I don't know that he would have been able to stride so easily down the aisle out of the church to the carriage. I feel like you could make a point to say that he walked slowly, his hand on the pews as he made his way outside or something like that. And also, I don't think he would have been able to help her into the carriage? Maybe it's just me, or maybe you don't mean blind in the literal sense. Just my opinion too, I'm looking forward to the next chapter, I'm glad I can just jump right to it!
KaraBri 2008-03-27 ch 2,	abuseVery interesting. Personally, I don't have as much pity for Esme as you seem to considering she did get herself into this. I am curious about where this will go. ~Bri

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