FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| My World Of Fragile Things 2008-08-04 ch 1,  | abusepretty poem. i can relate. good job |
| Nemonus 2008-06-04 ch 1, | abuseInteresting. It's the "a.a." bit that packs a punch! "shadow of your mouth" is unique and/but evocative. Corners want shadows, eh? Was the double use of that word "shadows" an accident, or is the second usage supposed to imply the first? Good work. |
| no.peace.los.angeles 2008-05-02 ch 1, | abuseLovely. Really nice. I like "sour turns" (though I keep thinking "sour times," just because of Portishead) and the idea of being "all corners." Beautiful. Keep writing! :) |
| recycle rhymes 2008-03-30 ch 1, | abuseit looks like your writing style has changed. lol i bet you don't remember me i have been through many pen names...does breezy nostrils ring a bell? i like this...nice work. |
| Yellow Duvet 2008-03-24 ch 1, | abuseI LOVE the imagery, it's very unique. I also loved the way you wrote it and your punctuation; it made everything flow nicely. Very good job. 8) |
| lackluster 2008-03-13 ch 1, | abusedark. at least darker than i remember your poetry to be. but nonetheless, i love the theme of shadows. you played it well throughout the poem. hiding in the shadows, perhaps. very interesting. i love it. |
| Moondog Dozier 2008-03-12 ch 1, | abuseAn astonishing amount of both sound and feeling are evident here. I like how the beginning is like the reader is entering into the middle or end of a conversation and progressing from there. Great write. MD:77. |
| 123454321 2008-03-09 ch 1, | abuseThe reference to shadows brings the piece together very nicely in a smooth way. I like that the clocks are wound down instead of wound up. It shows yet another level of how everything seems to have stopped. I don't understand the 'a.a.' on the last line, but maybe I'm being dense again. -J.A. Courtesy of the review marathon (link on profile). |
| crinkled aster ribbon 2008-03-08 ch 1, | abuseI love this. I can't really say much more than that. Favorite line: "it's the shadow of your mouth that keeps my heart beating through the sour turns of the tired night," |
| diffident 2008-03-06 ch 1, | abuseThis is so... everything a good poem should be. I really really love this. You have no idea. It's simple and yet communicated so much with the imagery and language. But for some reason, the author's note at the end changes that. The speaker of the poem seems so vulnerable in the poem, kind of meek and helpless to "the shadow of your mouth", but the author's note puts a slight twist on that, communicating a tragic and cynical view on the whole relationship. Gah sara, you have no idea. I think this might be my favorite thing out of everything you've written (besides that story you and noelle wrote about blue girls and gay boys). lovelovelove marie |
| EmbersAblaze 2008-03-06 ch 1, | abuseDangerously sexy. |