 Harmonic Discord 2008-04-20 . chapter 1I absolutely love the imagery of this piece: beautiful. Your writing seems to grab the reader and drag him/her in. Especially liked your comparison of the dress to a "flag of surrender".
There were a few places where your breaks didn't quite make sense to me; for instance:
“You were lovely here,” She speaks, - I think it should be "she"
“Your frailty summoned by compassion… Your touch, of homesickness wrought, felt softer than any summons of strength,” the rocks -- I think this should be two separate sentences.
Overall, however, wonderfully done. :)
~Harmonic Discord from the Review Marathon (Link in profile) |