Reviews for Triangles - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Triangles

Midnight In Eden 2008-03-10 ch 3,	abuseIf you're going to punctuate it here and there, just do the whole piece which would simply require periods at the end of stanzas one and two. Also, instead of the parentheses in the second stanza, why not use a dash? Parentheses are so overused on this site when dashes work just as well if not better. Third stanza, first line, should be a comma instead of a dash. Otherwise, it's an interesting continuation of the theme you've got going. I would recommend spicing up the language a bit to keep your reader interested and being a little more specific about the situation in places but I'm interested to see if you add to this. Midnight
Midnight In Eden 2008-03-10 ch 2,	abuseNot review game, just suggestions: 1. I think a "but" might be a good idea between the first and second lines. 2. "someone" instead of "somebody"? 3. "now" after "and" on the final line? Just to give it another beat to make the piece a little smoother. Otherwise, not a bad little epigram. Midnight
Midnight In Eden 2008-03-10 ch 1,	abuseReview Game! My first thought after reading this is about the first stanza. Personally I feel it would be better if you reversed it i.e. Triangles are my least favourite shape, This is why I hate trigonometry. Otherwise it reads a little oddly and is almost too direct. Aside from that though, your stanzas in this piece work well to separate out the tangents. The second stanza isn't bad but the verbs and descriptions are a little too commonplace. Spice it up a little because it's an interesting image if you give it a better presentation. Also, to keep the flow moving at an even pace, why not get rid of the "and" on the second line and put the verb into action i.e. The sharp ends stick into my sides, filling my mouth with ugly angles so the words can't slide out. I'm not a big fan of the parentheses on the last line. They don't really seem necessary when that last line could stand by itself without them. Also, the tense feels odd there. I really feel that it should be "I started it but he sure as hell won't end it." I liked the subject though but I wouldn't mind a little more exploration of the trig idea. It's a great basis but you don't really touch on it enough, instead jumping straight into the triangle idea (which works well by the way). Either way, with some tweaking, this could be quite interesting. Midnight
In the Rye 2008-03-06 ch 1,	abusei see triangles in a new light. i haven't taken trig yet. i'll probably never have to. but i liked how it wasn't just a triangle.
heresyisforlosers 2008-03-06 ch 2,	abuseWell done. Great so far. Enjoying the imagery and metaphorical values. s.t.

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