Wow!! best ficton press story I've read so far! It was really nice to read something so refreshingly different. The plot was everything a good plot should be. Well Done!

Thanks for bringing it to fictionpress.

Your errant punctuation wasn't irksome, and I generally would find it so (but then, I'm not perfect either). Your story plot was that good, and the angst just vamped up the whole thing. I liked how they didn't fall in love immediately, and how he was a player, and it wasn't outgoing guy vs shy closeted girl ending up in a grandeur romance.

You drew it out accordingly, and all I have to say is, if you're ever going to edit this, don't change the character. Made me think that you can fall in love gradually, and Ricardo didn't even have to state it, seeing as it was apparent towards the end.

Again, thanks :), glad I was able to read your story.

I don't understand how she can feel so worried about being friends with a guy when Ricardo is sleeping with other women. I really hope she grows a back bone soon.

Excellent story! I love the development. Simple and sweet, but very real. Nice characterization and narrative; the progress was really believable. The only thing I would have love to see was a completely meek heroin. I don't know why, but two or three stories has left me with a desire to see a protagonist that didn't change, that didn't develope a strong character nor courage, but a male that learn to love her as she was, and this was one of them. However, I really like the conclusion. I love the fact of her reunion with her father. Even if I don't believe in ""forgive and forget", I think it was really appropiate. I would really like a sequel, and I'll wait for it. Again, great story. Keep it up!

This was really cute. I liked it a lot. Although I wish that at the ned he had said those three little words. Oh well! Good job!

this is one of the best stories i have read on fp...good work...sequel pls

I can't believe I'm actually considering forgiving him. But what you wrote down when they finally returned about him being humbled and how he thought nothing could touch him before made a bit of sense to me. Not enough to make me not want to slap him every time he speaks but enough for me to not wish for a semi to flatten him.
You're never going to make him apologize for anything, are you? Because she said sorry for her part in this. That didn't mean he had any right to retort what he had towards her either.

So... they've slept together but never really had a conversation... is it bad that I still want her to get her revenge and leave him behind? Though I can tell with the whole child situation occuring that is not going to happen.

Ricardo is a jerk and I think an affair should have happened. Someone needs to shove some of his karma down his throat. Besides... it would be more of a 'two could play at that game' thing.

a very original take on life. n thank God not ANOTHER cliche... it was very refreshing...although Ricardo was a big meanie n Melanie did seem like a little bit of a wuss but i liked her anyway:) i guess dats the whole point of ur story since u named it "Mouse"
dis is one of my most favourite stories!! i LUUVD it!!

Very nice story, Mel is a great charcter and you made the changes in her seem real and very gradual the same with the changes in Ricky's charcter. They were both well done. The same with the growing romance, which seemed to happen naturally and realisticly which is hard to image with how he used to treat her.

But when you introduced paul I was thinking she was going to leave her husaband or something because he was just SO mean to her. I would have prefered it if at the end Ricky would have at least apologized for his behavior and made a decloration of love. Saying she is important to him is nice but it isn't like saying he loves her. I hate to complain about it but it is just that for more than half the story he is cruel, mean and vendictive to her and at the end when she mentions how he treated her he just kinda shrugged his shoulders at her. As if he felt no regrets about his past behavor.

But one thing I would change in this story is to add a little more in the first few chapters about how these people feel about their life in the circus because it seems hard to image that normal rational people would disown someone for leaving the circus and since that is the basis the whole story is built on it needs some more explination because you have a great story here and I would hate to have people turned off by that simple premise.

Anyway I look forward to reading a some more of your stories this one was very interesting and I have never read a story about the circus before. It kept on making me think of all those tightrop walkers and trapeze artists managed to get 1 hour speicals on TV once in a while when I was a kid. Anyway I really enjoyed it, and I thought the relationship with ehr father was very interesting too. :)

I love the way you write but Ricardo is a jerk. She would have been much better off with Paul. Your story was very intesting to read but I'm disappointed in how it turned out. Anyway thanks.
:)

Thank you so much for completing this story. I really enjoyed it, especially since it was out of the ordinary, and you updated so frequently. I would really like a sequel, showing how they interact years down the road and of course, their children. Just some encouragement! Great job. I think this is your best plot!

Good Story! - One correction. I think the second to last line should read "grandfather", not "father"

goodness gracious you post new chapters fast!...not that I'm complaining. It was another great chapter for a great story that I am very sad is coming to an end!