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| Frozensummers 2008-06-20 ch 1,  | abuseyou write beautifully. |
| creepy kiss on tuesday 2008-03-15 ch 1, | abuseThis is so...raw maybe? Felt it so may times. Always wanted to belong to somebody, but when they say they want me, I refuse to believe it. I love the classical allusions :) Achilles heel and Midas. Don't know why, but there's something about Greek and Roman mythology that kind of works for me, and I love it in this poem. |
| Esther Jade 2008-03-13 ch 1, | abuseReview game! I like the way you've arranged the poem. It feels like you've really thought out the poem and developed it in a deliberate manner. I also really like the lines "Golden-boy Midas-touch//That turns me into shivering vulnerability". It's a really nice image. I also like the stanza just below this image - it has some lovely use of enjambment. You do have a couple of places where punctuation is missing. As you also have every line starting with a capital letter, this makes it very hard to work out which lines are supposed to be run-on and which aren't. I think the build-up in the poem was really great but the ending felt like a bit of an anti-climax. I think there must be a more effective way to convey the same meaning - maybe with some imagery or just stronger word choice. |
| simpleplan13 2008-03-09 ch 1, | abuseI really love this piece... the parts in parenthesis are wonderful and I love the Achilles and Midas allusions.. and I absolutely love the last two lines.. they were perfect... awesome piece PS If your bored check out the Review Game and its Review Marathon (links in my profile) |
| smeared violence 2008-03-07 ch 1, | abuseseems so true & just sends out this vibe of hopelessness beautiful. |
| kelsi bones 2008-03-07 ch 1, | abuseI really, really like this. The second to last stanza is SO intense! Amazing |
| perpetual questions 2008-03-07 ch 1, | abuseThe descriptions make it seem very real and vivid. I like the plain-spoken honesty, nice job. |