Reviews for That Same Mistake

Reviews For: That Same Mistake - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

Kinderwhore 2008-08-20 ch 1,	abuseI have to admit, the plot so far seems a little cliched to me, but as this is just the beginning, I've yet to see the spin you'll put on it. To be honest, the story hasn't really gripped me so far, but I see in your author's note that this idea came to you a while ago, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt :) Your writing style is very sparse, and whilst I do like it, I think there are times when it detracts from the story; we don't really learn much about the characters, for example (I learnt more in your a/n!), and sometimes it comes across as a little impersonal. That being said, it IS an interesting beginning; and hey, it must have been nominated for an award for some reason, right?
SyMph0Ny Of cOloRS 2008-08-14 ch 1,	abuseA little confusing though I may read the next chapter to figure out out. Also I don't mean to sound harsh but try not to make such long author's notes because let's face it, if you saw one that long you probably wouldn't read it either. Anyway it seems interesting so far.
Ilze09 2008-08-09 ch 1,	abuseGood opening chapter. You did a great job of introducing the characters and really putting the odd relationship Lina and Charlie harbor in perspective. Things were a tad bit confusing in the beginning but once you got rolling it got good. I'm not sure how I feel about any of the characters just yet since I just started this but they seem to be two interesting, enjoyable characters that should make this story real interesting. Oh, and by the way, I loved your AN. Not sure why but I found it hilarious when you were talking about Finn and Charlie: "...in their original story they were kind of like “RAWR” towards each other but they’re like actually friends now, not sure how that happened..." Haha, that's an awesome statement.
dragonflydreamer 2008-08-09 ch 1,	abuseFreebie review from vinny2! I love your characters, even this early in the story. I can already distinctly see Charlie and Lina's characters, which is a lot to be said for the first chapter. You conveyed a lot through their action and dialogue. I'm not too fond of the narration style. I suppose I'm used to your first person narration from OGAGH, though. The simple sentences it uses tell almost nothing about anything but the action and dialogue of the characters. Time, setting, and physical character descriptions were lost.
Durak 2008-08-04 ch 9,	abuseI hate to break form like this and move from nitty-gritty specifics to a general form of criticism, but as it's 8 chapters and a completed work, I simply don't feel like it. ^-^; Very sorry. However, I couldn't stop reading. To your very great credit, your characters were /blatantly/ human and screamingly real. It wasn't perfect by any stretch, no, but I was very, very upset that my spotty Internet caused it to take /three days/ for me to finish it (hence this long-delayed review.) It was /great/ to read. I only looked at a few previous reviewers, and contrary to one of the more recent ones, I would caution /against/ adding in too many "details" or what Lina's thinking. You have a distinct, and perhaps more importantly, consistent style throughout the story; it makes it memorable, piquant, and appealing. Now, you did have some spelling and grammatical errors - I remember a double "but" and some misplaced commas - but that's all mechanical, nitpicky stuff, and unless you specifically ask me to, I'm not going to go back and find them all... I just don't want to... heh. ^-^; I have to say, I really did like the ending, until you said in the note it wasn't so good, and then I had second thoughts. I don't think the ending - the actual scene - should change, but it is too abrupt. I don't even think you should change the last line. I think that there simply needs to be more buffer, more explanation, more realization on the part of Lina, so the reader is left going "Wait, what? Why's it over?" I think Lina did exactly what Lina the character would do, and so did Charlie. I do think the reader should be treated to a little more of what went on in Lina's head, though, in this case. Besides that, I am /still/ confused (like Lina, hah!) by the scene in Charlie's car and the Peterson's. I think you'll need to spell it out for me, because I really hope I'm not so dense. My last critique is one that surfaced early on - the lack of context, both time-wise and scene-wise. I felt the story was set at a college, at first, given all the talking the characters managed and how everyone was in everyone else's rooms talking to each other; it seems to me that, in real life, classrooms aren't so lax that people can have conversations like that without whispering or otherwise curbing their speech. And, critical to the story, are all these 8th-grade references. The reader doesn't know what you're talking about. Also, the references are a bit heavy and frequent; Lina thinks about it a /lot/. Without an existing prequel (available, that is), I found it a bit annoying. Still... this story is undoubtedly going on my Favorite Stories. I loved it. It was wonderful, because it was so believable. Excellent job. -Durak
artificial destiny 2008-08-04 ch 1,	abusehi there :) okay im going straight into the review you jump right into the story! the facts are presented quite plainly and its really easy to follow. i only wish you wrote more. as in description wise. talk more about the characters. little things they do (those can be quite revealing) how they talk, what they do when they talk etc. nice start
SapphirePrima 2008-07-29 ch 1,	abuseThis very different from the romance I have read, with the description on Lina, you wouldn't expect from a story of this genre. The flow is nice and it's easy to follow.All your characters seem really thought out. I really have nothing bad to stay about this.
DeeFective 2008-07-29 ch 8,	abuseFight For The Freebie Prize! Aww. So far I've only read this chapter of the story but this scene is too cute. I love how she just starts off calling the guy an idiot. Smooth move. Haha. Your writing is pretty good in this chapter. You add detail but not so much as to annoy the reader. Nice job.
vinny2 2008-07-24 ch 8,	abuseDamn straight! Damn straight! This is why you're supposed to listen to Carrie. She doesn't get boat metaphors, but she was totally on this relationship thing. Absolutely wonderful ending. I can see how this was nominated for that SKOW award. The moral to the story? Always take the advice of the girl who frequently spills hot chocolate on you while attending a sport event she probably doesn't even understand all that much. A well-deserved round of a applause for this story. Romance makes me want to gag for the most part. The comedy that's intertwined with the romance makes for one of the best stories I've ever read on this site. Yes, I will be reading the sequel.
vinny2 2008-07-23 ch 7,	abuseI love Peanuts. When Lina took the ball, Lucy and Charlie instantly popped into my mind. The comparison was beautiful and brilliant and I guess it says a lot about Lina's character when she ultimately chooses not to take the football away. Meredith the cheerleader. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I love how you always have the identifier along with her name. Lina doesn't see her as anything other than an airhead opportunistic cheerleader, so it only makes sense that it's the only defining trait she exhibits, at least to Lina. I read it twice before I realized she was spelling Lina's name.) It's coming to a boil now. I must know how this ends!
vinny2 2008-07-23 ch 6,	abuseAnger. Love it. What is the source of all this tension! There is so much! (How do they do it? Volume!) Anyways, let's see if I can connect all of this. Meredith is made at Charlie. Charlie is mad a Meredith. Meredith is mad at Lina. Lina is mad at both of them. Carrie is...well... she's mad at whoever invented boat metaphors. So much anger and yet I don't know the source. Well, I know why some are angry, but there seems to be so much it's inhuman. I for one am very interested to see where this anger leads. I still love Carrie. She actually managed to run point successfully although it didn't last long.
vinny2 2008-07-23 ch 5,	abuseShort chapter. I'm a little disappointed, but I understand your reasoning. The next chapter won't fit with the style of this one. As as, however, this style is wonderful. As always, I love Carrie. She's clueless which, bound together with the desire to help but with the lack of skill to be able to, is quite painful both physically and emotionally for Lina. Despite not being a perfect protagonist, I can still feel Lina's pain. (I have felt her pain. Chocking from behind is a common greeting amongst my friends.) Who are we to believe? Lina or Meredith? I believe Meredith. She's a much nicer person than Lina, as she's meant to be. Lina's just out to get Meredith. Selfish? Yes. Entertaining? Hell yes.
vinny2 2008-07-22 ch 4,	abuseI love Carrie. I LOVE Carrie. With that said, another solid chapter. Everyone plays a role. No one is left behind. No one is just a one shot side character created just for the purpose of delivering a message or screwing up a simple task. Joe, even Joe who is just a friend of a friend gets his share of characterization. He wants to complain about Carrie, but chooses not to becuase he doesn't feel like he's good enough friends with Lina to do so. Did I mention that I love Carrie? Because I do. Also, Lina internal struggle is so amusing to watch. It's like a mirror into (yes, I know. I've mentioned this in every review I've given you!) the mind of someone I know. This is good because she won't tell me a damn thing. Oh, one more thing. I love Carrie.
cls81690 2008-07-21 ch 5,	abuseHappy extremely belated Pascha! Although actually it's now closer to the Dormition fast... I like this so far. It's confusing because the back-story is implied but not there. I'd include just a couple of details about eighth grade, like "...blah blah eighth grade, back when she could hate him more easily because _."
vinny2 2008-07-20 ch 3,	abuseThis is a good chapter. This is a good chapter! I know I've mentioned this before, but I can easily point out which of your characters are like people in my own life. You have such a beautiful grasp on your characters so that their so realistic I can transpose them into real life with no effort. Everyone plays their part, too. I love Carrie. She's kind of slow. Love Finn. He's tried of the whole thing. I can tell he just want to tell both sides everything just so he can get it over with. I really do love this story. Lina isn't perfect. Frankly, I'm tired of perfect protagonists. Lina is a breath of fresh air. You are a breath of fresh air. Bravo.

Return to Top