Wow, this is surprisingly powerful. It reads like a movie; it feels like the action is happening right now. It seems like there's so much going on in this one shot. Love the title. Great job!

xoxo, The Astronaut

I didn't want to walk down that street, but I went with you anyway. You're good.

McKinley

In just two poems, I see a theme, scars on the hips. I thought you were a guy at first but now, I've changed my mind.

It would be interesting to see you take this theme that seems like real life, and twist it and pour it into maybe a story, or change it up a little. Take your scared character and put her somewhere and do things, broaden your horizons.

Still love it

Heartbreakingly beautiful. I love the lyricism of this and how that in itself serves to 'humanise' the subject matter... if that makes sense. Anyway, keep up the good work!

-D.S

love it. amazing piece.

Faith

Reminds me a little of Philip Larkin, although prose and not death-obsessed.

Its that bizarre kind of beautiful - not your traditional rose kind. The lyrical kind.

Nice title, too. Its effective for one so long.

wow, that is so beautifully heartbreaking, such tangible sorrow. adding to favourites, amazing.

thats true, I like this writing way.