Ah, great story so far. You write just as good as a published author, sometimes even better (depending on the author). I only got confused a couple times. One thing I noticed, is that your character doesn't react to certain situations, in which is suppose to react to. For example, if my father was gone for 15 years, then came back I would have at least shown some sort of reaction.

Are you kidding? This is pretty good. Even better then Far away, if I may say so. Your writing has nice flow to it--the description, summery and dialoge blend into each other smoothly.

Will no one read this? I know it's terrible, but really. I expected lower standards on the Internet.

Oh, I'm liking this. I've never read a mystery on FictionPress.

So far, it's good. Beginnings of stories aren't always so easy, but you've pulled it off, so kudos to you on that. I think I just might have to follow this story farther.

I followed the link here from Gaia- and I'm very curious as to how this will pan out. I'll be watching closely; I do so like murder mysteries.

If you're curious, my Gaia username is The Killer Yakus.