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| simpleplan13 2008-03-13 ch 1,  | abuseI like the two haikus together, but I hafta say the first one is my favorite. resounding echoes was nice and I love how you don't actually mention the moon. The second one is good, but not as powerful. Also I have to say Im not a big fan of the italics and underlining, especially since they are the ending line, they are kinda already emphasized, no? Anyhow really great piece(s)! |
| Thenardier 2008-03-12 ch 1, | abuseI love this. A wonderful interpretation on something so simple, so common. However, a word of note though, the format of your haiku does not adhere to that of a standard English haiku, due to the syllable count in each lines. However, ignoring the technicalities, this was a splendid read. |
| Alexandria Smith 2008-03-11 ch 1, | abuseWow; you're very talented. Gosh, first of all I have to say you took two easy topics and the simple haiku form and made these poems very powerful. excellent job! Alexandria Smith |
| fatbird33 2008-03-11 ch 1, | abusei like that you put both of these poems together. |
| Ygg 2008-03-10 ch 1, | abuseThe imagery works fine and is nicely put together, but I don't quite like the way you've underline the last line of "Day" and put the last line of "Night" in italics. For me, it doesn't really add something to the poem; I feel it even decreases their strength. But that's merely my personal taste :-) Keep up the good work! |
| Talking In Typos 2008-03-10 ch 1, | abuseLovely. The night one was my favourite, especially the last line. |
| right2reality 2008-03-09 ch 1, | abuseI really liked the Night haiku; it has a darkly beautiful atmosphere to it that I thought fit perfectly with the notion of 'night'- good work! I do like the basis of the Day haiku... but the second line seems forced to me- as if you were stretching ‘stained glass windows’ for the sole purpose of adhering to the haiku structure which makes it seem too 'filler' if that makes sense. I also didn't like the last line being underlined as the idea of day to me seems to contrast with this bold, definitive line... I think it’s more of a gradual thing- but that’s just me being annoyingly particular :) Anyways, keep up the good work! -right2reality |
| 123454321 2008-03-09 ch 1, | abuseNight: beautiful. I would change nothing, but the italics (I am really not a fan of that stuff, but that's just my opinion). Day: the middle line seems forced. Like you were trying to make all the syllables fit, but only just managed it. -J.A. Courtesy of the review marathon (link on profile). |