I look at my skin/Pale/Like the color of the waning moon... a really unique simile and I love the word waning because it's not neccessary for the color similie, so it says something else

The white sheets/My hands/Upon them now.. My hands now upon the white sheets sounds more natutral to me

The sheets/So cold underneath my boney hands/So white/The room
So white.. I like the description of your bnoey hands, but I feel like the whiteness of those thigns has been established so it's a bit repetitive

I love how you switch to blue with our eyes... it's a great transition and I like the similies you use there too

Slowly/Like how a turtle walks... like how seems off.. at the pace of a turtle's walk or even just like a turtle walks sounds better to me

Comes through the metal door/The door/White like the room.. I'm not sure how a metal door can be white.. plus those three lines again seem a bit repetitive

I really love the whole heels clickig thing.. you can almost hear it

I look at the metal tray.. you already said the tray was metal so I feel like that doesnt add anything... just saying it would be less repetitive

I love how you detach yourself from your movements that was really awesome

I tip it/Slowly/So that/The yellow pills.. the so that seems unnecessary here

Toward the white metal door.. towards.. again repetitive

The sound/Echoing throughout the white rooms/Then/The key turns/In the lock/That echoes too.. I find this repetitive too, but I can kinda see how it makes sene but the last line I might change to another echo that sounds a bit better to me

the ending was interesting, but confusing.. the darkness contrast was nice, but I couldnt figure out why it ws dark or what made her scream...

It's a relly interesting piece and well done.. I found it repetitive in parts as I said but that may have been what you were going for.. nice job

I don't really know what to say about this, but felt I should say something.

I quite like the separated stanzas as it gives a sort of disjointed feeling which I felt was actually quite suitable.

It was a bit strange.. perhaps you should have labelled it suspense?

I'm not quite sure what I was meant to think.. it's intriguing.