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| Minamahal 2008-07-25 ch 1,  | abuseIt reminds you a bit of Chucky, doesn`t it? I'm amazed at how the transition between the moods was set so flawlessly. First it was envy, and then longing and sadness, and finally, horror and much despair. Yet another interesting piece. ;* |
| simpleplan13 2008-03-11 ch 1, | abuseI like the title a lot. I also like the descriptions of the music box and the doll.. they were both great examples of personification. I'm a bit iffy on the repetition in the last line of all the stanzas... The only thing is the ending confused me.. the way I took it the girl went and was going to take the doll with her and I dont get how that turned into the girl bleeding and being burnt by the lantern... maybe she fell? I dunno it just confused me, but I liek the description and the ending.. I just couldnt figure out how it fit in, but Im probably just missing something great piece.. glad you got something out of your writers block |
| painted.music 2008-03-11 ch 1, | abusekonban wa This was cute. :) A bit dramatic, I'll admit; but the imagery was really stunning. BTW, I read a quote from Oscar Wilde (I believe it was him) about how every story you write was thought of before -- so you shouldn't feel like you're copying. You should feel excited that you were brilliant enough to come up with the same story as people in ancient times. Granted, the other person's story of people in the walls wasn't from ancient times -- but it's the same idea. I just thought I should share that with you since I still don't want you to give up on that story. It's your choice, of course; but I just wanted to tell that to you. Zaijen -Shan- |
| me. moi. ich. 2008-03-10 ch 1, | abusevery..im tempted to say creepy, but very interesting. i like how it seems such a simple concept until you hit the last stanza where the whole theme of the poem shifts into something much darker than i expected it to be. good job! |
| Jellyfish Or Something 2008-03-10 ch 1, | abuseI loved how you repeated the first three verses at the end. That was a neat device. I love this poem! |