 simpleplan13 2008-03-13 . chapter 1As you said the rhyming wasn't really awesome and it's not the most beautifully written piece, but it doesn't have to be. It's not supposed to be... it's a funny piece that most ppl can relate too
Two things:
I'd get read of numbers and letters... there are letters in math, but it just seemed odd because it's the number that confuses you
To crack right down my center... Starting with to and using crack again is confusing. I think I wouldn't end the sentence before it and then do "Right down the center" as the next line. Just a thought.
Anyhow there were some parts that were great like being fluent in math, that was a nice play on words and I also like the idea of cracking open. |
 Fiorenza 2008-03-12 . chapter 1I like the poem. I really can relate to it, as it's exactly what I think about math classes.
You misspelled fourth in the line "I daydream my way through forth period," and some of the places it seems there ought to be a rhyme, there isn't one.
Also, the fifth line from the end "Trying to comprehend something I abhorred" might be better said as, "trying to learn what I've always abhorred", so that it doesn't lose the present tense. |