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| Oceans of Mercury 2008-03-11 ch 1,  | abuseInteresting story, I like how you talk about the futuristic items, it sort of reminds me how Ray Bradbury writes. I especially like how they are so far into the future that they don't even recognize coins, or journals and the real subtle one, "...the antique digital clock...". Being a guy I don't really know what wearing a corset would feel like. Though I do know how they work, and I don't think any woman, no matter how tired, would want to fall asleep tightly encased in one, gravity or no gravity. "“Sleep well, Charles?” [she] asked..." - 'She' needs to be capitalized since it is the beginning of a new sentence. "...about hedgehogs?” [he] responded." - 'He' needs to be capitalized, unless the dialogue ends in a comma, the next word at the end of dialogue always needs to be capitalized. "...our beds.” [she] put..." - 'She' "...have them.” [mumbled] Charles." - 'Mumbled' All in all a very peculiar story, although I am a bit puzzled as to the size of this island. At first I assumed it was small with only the twin's house on it, but now i figure must be large enough to fit many homes to house all the people that showed up to their party, but it's never really clarified. Good story, and very good descrpitions of the new age electronics of the future, I like it. Keep writing. |